A+! More, please! (CBS)

Report Card: Young and The Restless.

Aaack! Aaack! Victor’s back! With little pre-fanfare the Dark Knight returned to our favourite Wisconsin town just as I imagined he would all those nights when I tossed and turned dreaming of it: Standing tall and mighty in the doorway of his Newman Enterprises office, scowling. Yum.

Of course, there was a side of me that worried he might return to Genoa City with the demeanor of a young woman with a penchant for professors, ex-boyfriends, and ballet flats, what with Colleen Carlton’s heart now beating in his manly chest, but apparently not.

As the Newman byproduct known as Adam and Nick (or as I like to call them: ‘Nearly Blind’ and ‘Nearly Tree’, respectively) once again found themselves in fisticuffs over Sharon – a woman no two men would ever fight for in real life, though we are liking the stronger version of Sharon that is emerging – Big Daddy arrived back in the town where the drama is always on. ‘What’s going on here?’ The Moustache demanded.

Lots, big boy. Pull up your power chair. We’ll get to your two sons in a moment, but first, have you heard about your pal Kay? It’s a good news and bad news scenario. The good news is that Jo-Jo is not Katherine’s daughter, which is nice, because it means that she won’t be going to the Genoa City gay bar and bringing back to her mansion all those guys in leather chaps again. The bad news is, Tucker McCaul is her son, a fact made even worse because he isn’t yet being played by former Days of our Lives star, Stephen Nichols. Soon though!

Anywho, it seems that Katherine was so drunk during that long ago time when she gave her baby away that she didn’t even know that was a penis not a vagina on her newborn and here we are: long-lost son, not daughter. Not only that, but Tucker’s business machinations have been so crafty that he has trumped Mother Dearest and now owns controlling interest in Chancellor Industries. Happy Mother’s Day indeed.

I always suspected that Neil Winters was a crap businessman, and now that as Katherine’s right hand he has basically proven himself as handy as a hook for fingers, it seems I was correct. Never mind, because check it out! He’s doing what anyone would do if they just let down their boss big-time, split to visit the town see-saw, Ashley, to plant a juicy lascivious kiss on her hungry mouth. Do we like them as a couple? I vote yes, as long as the human teeter-totter can stay on this side of sanity, which could be difficult now that she and Sharon are putting the pieces of the puzzle called Faith together (albeit like two children whose mothers smoked a lot of pot during pregnancy) following the death of Dr. Taylor.

What? You didn’t know Dr. Taylor was dead? And you thought your life moved fast. Yes, dead, dead, dead (say hello to Cassie for us, Doc!). Right outside Jimmy’s, the dive bar where everyone knows your name and your personal business. Confronted by angry Adam, understandably desperate to stop his co-conspirator in the Baby Switch & Beyond plot, an upset Dr. T blindly (it’s contagious!) stepped out onto the busy streets of Genoa City and in front of a moving vehicle (likely fire starter Daisy at the wheel given her newly revealed hobby: Seek & Destroy?).

It gets better. Pop quiz: What sexy redhead just happened to be in the ‘hood shopping for art supplies (it is so handy when art shops and dive bars are close together, don’t you think?) and saw it all go down? Yes, delicious Phyllis, my Y&R alter ego (who’s yours?). Firstly, we love the patent leather driving gloves she was wearing. Secondly, we also bask in the knowledge that she will hold tight to what she heard and saw between Adam and Dr. Taylor like a pit bull with a steak bone. (If only she would unclamp her jaws from her marriage to The Worst Husband Ever and move on to something better deserved.)