Mother, Make It Stop: 5 Lines Nobody on Bold & Beautiful Need Ever Utter Again

Credit: Howard Wise/JPI (4)

It’s a good thing Bold & Beautiful‘s Brooke isn’t a stress eater, or the poor thing would have put on 50 pounds since New Year’s Eve. Then again, maybe she’d have taken the weight off thanks to the endless pacing she’s done while fretting. Since there wasn’t a heck of a lot of forward momentum on this week’s episodes — at least until Friday’s final scene — I thought instead we’d take this opportunity to help the show’s writers out by letting them know that we’re very, very clear on some of the not-so-complicated goings on and they can stop with the endlessly repetitive dialogue. With that in mind, here are a few lines we’ve come to dread hearing. 

“Why did I drink?”

I get Brooke being upset about having fallen off the wagon, and I even understand her questioning the circumstances under which it happened. But someone needs to remind her that the first line of the Serenity Prayer urges AA members to accept the things they cannot change.” This whole situation might be interesting if there were some way for Brooke to solve the mystery, but short of Sheila confessing — which she has no reason to do — that’s not really a possibility. So instead, Brooke wanders around uttering the same dialogue while everyone else says…

“Something’s going on with Brooke!”

We get it, Steffy. You want your dad to wake up and smell the Deacon-scented sheets so that he and your newly-returned, still-bewigged mom can reunite. But maybe, just maybe, the best thing that could possibly happen for all of you would be for Taylor to realize just how toxic her relationship with Ridge is and find a new guy. And while it’s probably not recommended that therapists treat their own children, Taylor might want to help Steffy figure out why she, as a grown woman, has such a childlike fixation on getting her parents back together. There’s something there just waiting to be unpacked.

“Bill’s working hard to prove himself to me.”

For months, that’s what Katie’s said whenever she’s asked about the status of her on-again, off-again marriage to Bill. Yet we’ve seen absolutely no evidence of this courtship. Look, do we think Katie and Bill should reunite? Hell to the no. But do we want to see the characters — not to mention their wildly talented portrayers — on screen? You bet we do! What we don’t want is to hear about relationships and events that are unfolding off screen.

“Isn’t Paris [insert synonym for awesome here]?”

Yes, yes, she’s the best thing since sliced bread. Heck, she’s the greatest thing since whatever was the greatest thing before someone thought to slice bread. Ironically, the first person to dare trash-talk Paris — at least since Zoe left town — was her mom. Why in the world was Grace berating her daughter for very wisely not dashing down the aisle to marry a man she may not be ready to commit to? Granted, Paris has flip-flopped on the whole commitment thing in recent months, but her mom doesn’t know that!

“I saw grandma kissing Santa.”

At this rate, I worry we’ll still be talking about Santa when St. Patrick’s Day rolls around. I had to laugh when about 12 seconds after arriving at Steffy’s house for a family dinner, Douglas was spilling Brooke’s tea all over the carpet. Douglas repeating his oft-uttered line — and Hope calling to have Thomas rush the kid home — happened so quickly that nobody in the scene even had time to take off their coats. Meanwhile, we also need the adults to stop grilling the poor kid as if they’re cops trying to catch a criminal in a lie. But I suspect next week, he’ll have to repeatedly rehash that it was actually Deacon, not Santa, he saw sharing a buss with grandma.

Random Thoughts

• Liam reacted to finding out about the Brooke/Deacon kiss as if someone had said, “I slept with my ex because I mistook a mannequin for my current spouse.” But it’s as if characters are not allowed to refer to anything which happened in the past, even when doing so would both echo what viewers are thinking and add layers to a storyline.

• Perhaps my favorite moment of the week was Sheila sitting at that table, annoyed that everyone around her was talking too loudly for her to eavesdrop on Deacon and Hope’s conversation. Of course, it’s ridiculous that Deacon somehow didn’t see Sheila, given that she was directly in his line of sight and behaving in so obvious a manner.

• Carter and Paris making out at work made no sense whatsoever. Even if her mom hadn’t walked in, Zende easily could have, and Carter’s whole reason for not sleeping with Paris was out of respect for his pal. Then again, them being in the design office at all was just as illogical. Surely the CFO and the head of the Forrester Foundation have their own offices!

So did I miss any oft-spoken lines that you’d like to add to the list? What were your high and low points of the week? Share them in the comments section, but first check out this amazing photo gallery featuring one-of-a-kind characters — including Stephanie Forrester, who’ll always be the family matriarch in our hearts — the likes of whom we’ll never see again.