Bold & Beautiful Needs to Never Have Characters Say These Words Again — Plus, Why Must Everyone Be So Dang Dumb?

Credit:

As has become its habit of late, The Bold and the Beautiful spent most of the week building up to one moment which we all knew was coming. As a result, pretty much every episode between Monday and Friday felt like unnecessary filler. But the real sin committed by the show was even worse. Read on as we discuss the words we’d just as soon no character ever said again, Brooke’s latest inappropriate actions and more. 

Are You My Birth Father?

I’m pretty sure that since Sheila crashed Finn and Steffy’s wedding, not a single day has gone by without one of the characters involved in this story uttering the word “biological mother.” Fine, fine, that’s probably an exaggeration… but not much of one. And although Finn never really seemed all that interested in asking the obvious follow-up question — “Who’s my dad?” — until a week or two ago, this week we got to add “birth father” to the list of overused phrases.

Above: “You don’t want me to call you Finn’s birth father? How about if I simply refer to you as my luvah. Do you prefer that?”

Credit: Howard Wise/JPI

More: Here comes ‘dark Finn’!

Is it just me, or is “birth father” a really weird, awkward term? Why did they go with “biological mother” but “birth father?” I mean, technically, the mom is the one who gives birth, and the dad’s role is largely just a function of biology. In any case, if you were playing a drinking game during which you chugged any time these words were uttered over the past week, I can only assume that your loved ones are in the process of staging an intervention.

Sex Education

I thought it was kinda brilliant for Sheila to sheepishly claim not to know who Finn’s dad was… although it made zero sense that two minutes later, she was pushing Jack to come clean. Wouldn’t that just make her look bad to Finn, as she’d looked him right in the eye and said, “Nope, not a clue who your daddy is.” (I laughed aloud when Finn replied, “Well, could you narrow it down?”)

Above: “He’s not that smart, but he’s pretty as a picture and mine, all mine!”

Credit: CBS screenshot

Finn then went home to tell Steffy that his birth mother couldn’t name his biological father, and they seemed baffled by Sheila’s inability to name names. This seems to go back to something we’ve talked about a lot over the past few months, which is the show’s bizarre notions regarding sex and love. For a hot minute there, it was as if Finn and Steffy couldn’t possibly conceive (pun intended) of the notion that someone might have had a one-night stand with a stranger. This was particularly strange given that they were talking about Sheila, whom Steffy despises, so it would have made perfect sense for her to assume the worst and get all judgy. “Of course Sheila wouldn’t know who the father is,” Steffy might say… and, in keeping with this show’s style, it would make perfect sense that she not acknowledge the fact that she’s played the “Who’s the Daddy?” game more than once.

Drive It Home

I’m a big believer that if you keep repeating the same dialogue over and over, day after day, you’re basically telling the audience, “You don’t have to watch every episode, because we’re going to make sure that you not only know what happened yesterday, but that every word of dialogue will be repeated numerous times.” The other thing it does is drop huge anvils at every opportunity. There’s not one bit of subtlety to be found.

Need proof? Look at Thursday’s episode in which, as Jack prepared to tell Finn the truth about their connection, his son sat there like a big, dumb puppy saying — and this is a direct quote — “It’s great knowing you can always count on your dad. He’ll always be there for you. He’ll have your back. Tell you the truth. Never let you down.”

Ugh. We get it, Finn thinks the moon rises and sets on Jack and this is going to be devastating.

Above: Hope Jack likes couches, ’cause we suspect he’s going to be sleeping on one for a while.

Credit: CBS screenshot

More: Jacqueline MacInnes Wood shares exciting news

And God forbid a character be allowed to listen to what’s being said and then put the pieces together for themselves. We’ve been told that Li is a brilliant woman, and yet as her husband stood there saying, “Yup, we know Finn’s biological father. Yup, I’ve known him from the start,” she couldn’t do the math. Jack all but said, “It’s one of the two people in this room… and it’s not you.” Would it have killed the writers to let Li be smart enough to suddenly realize what he was saying and declare, “My God… it’s you! You’re Finn’s father!”

But the worst moment came when Jack said he knew who Finn’s father was and said, “You’re looking at him.” Finn’s response was to literally say, “I don’t… what does that even mean.” How many different ways were there to interpret what he’d said?!?

I can’t help wishing the writers would allow characters to be smarter and maybe even acknowledge that the audience can go five minutes without being reminded what just happened.

“If You Have A Reaction Lasting More Than 4 Hours… “

I had mixed feelings about Quinn taking the blame for Eric’s erectile dysfunction. Sorry, sorry… I mean “lack of reaction.” But several viewers pointed out to me on Twitter (you can interact with us at @soapsdotcom) that Eric’s issues actually started before Carter and Quinn’s affair. He’d been pulling away from Quinn ever since she interfered with Brooke and Ridge’s marriage.

Above: Things got less romantic when Eric’s next sang “That’s Why The Lady is a Tramp.”

Credit: CBS screenshot

More: Two stars team up to save a pup

But again, Bold & Beautiful just had to go and equate sex (or in this case, Eric’s “reaction”) with love. “You do love Donna,” Brooke told Eric. “Your body was sending you a message, it was quite clear.” Again, if a “reaction” indicated true emotions, that would mean that every time a man “reacted” to porn, he was in love. In a weird way, it sort of makes sense that Brooke would struggle with understanding this, given that Stephanie always accused her nemesis of not knowing the difference between love and lust. Somewhere, the matriarch — and make no mistake, in my minds Stephanie’s portrait will always hang above that mantle — is saying, “I told you people!”

My absolute favorite moment of the week was when Eric sat at the piano to play “It Had To Be You” as Quinn was about to walk out. It reminded me so much of old-school soaps in general (and Young & Restless in particular), when folks would break into song at the drop of a hat. Better still, after that tune, Eric played the gorgeous love them that the soap often uses. It was romantic and swoony and everything I want from a soap.

Random Thoughts

• Anybody else notice that during Brooke’s visit with Eric, she couldn’t stop touching him? I get that they are fond of one another, but I don’t sit around stroking and petting people like that!

• Nice, simple acknowledgement of real-world events when Steffy mentioned to Thomas that they were having supply chain issues.

• Kudos to Paris for straight-up saying to Thomas, “I feel the need to remind you that I have a boyfriend and nothing about Zende and I’s relationship has changed since I moved in here. You get that, right?” And to his credit, Thomas admitted how he feels and presented himself as “another option.”

• Quinn’s absolute disinterest in talking to Zende about Paris was priceless. It also made sense, given the role that Paris played in the days leading up to Quinn and Carter’s affair being revealed.

As always, your reward for sitting through my opinions is an opportunity to hit the comment section and share your own thoughts! Then, check out the advice some of your favorite soap stars shared regarding how to keep your relationship alive and well.