Liam Dumped, Steffy’s Phantom Pregnancy, Batie Reunited — What *Should* Be Happening on Bold & Beautiful

Credit: Howard Wise/JPI (4)

Thanks to the ongoing impeachment hearings, we only got one episode of The Bold and The Beautiful this week. And to say that nothing happened during that lone episode would be something of an understatement, given that it focused on only one plot — the paternity test — which saw not one iota of forward movement. With the real show in a holding pattern, I thought I’d use this week’s column to tell you — in recap style — what would be unfolding this week if I had my way. Let’s see what you think… 

Liam Gets Dumped

Liam asks a pensive Hope to be honest about her feelings regarding their current situation, and she looks at her husband as if seeing him for the first time. Sensing a change in his wife, Liam girds his loins but can’t possibly prepare himself for the tirade unleashed by Hope. By the time he realizes he probably shouldn’t have asked for honesty, it’s too late. Hope says she’s put up with his crap for years, running down the list of ways in which he’s humiliated her (complete with flashbacks, including to scenes featuring both current portrayer Annika Noelle and her predecessor, Kim Matula).

More: All the times Liam’s ticked us off

Stunned, Liam asks what this means for their future, at which point Hope laughs derisively, says they don’t have one and suggests he pack up his clothes, his tofu and his Steffy-obsession and leave immediately.

Steffy’s “Paternity” Shocker

At the hospital, Steffy finally gets the results of the paternity test and is relieved to learn that Finn’s the father. But the supposed dad-to-be later returns to Dr. Campbell’s office alone, shutting the door behind him. Clearly afraid, she asks him to leave. “You don’t have anything to worry about,” he says, grinning scarily. “You’ve been playing your part perfectly. Keep it up, and nobody will ever know what you helped Stephanie Forrester cover up all those years ago.” (Gasp! Say whaaat?)

More: Did Steffy’s doctor just reveal a major plot twist?

When Dr. Campbell asks why he’s doing this, Finn, like all Bold & Beautiful characters (and most Bond villains) explains his entire plot: Thanks to his doctorly ways, he quickly realized that Steffy was suffering a guilt-induced phantom pregnancy. By blackmailing Dr. Campbell into “confirming” the non-existent pregnancy — and that Finn is the father — he hopes to push Liam out of the picture for good, at which point she will “lose” the child she’s not actually carrying, again with an assist from Dr. Campbell.

“Steffy should have realized that even drunk, she’d never have fallen into bed with Liam and had unprotected sex,” scoffs Finn. “She’s the co-CEO of an international business, She’s way too smart to do something that dumb!” While “losing” the baby she’s not actually carrying will be hard, Finn rationalizes that it’ll bond her to him — and push Liam away forever — making it worth it in the end.

Bill Loses Katie

When Bill yet again insists to Katie that he’s changed, she puts forth a simple challenge: prove it. She asks him to cite one thing he’s done during their months-long separation to show that he’s a different man who is now worthy of her love. Having not done a darn thing — including, until a few days ago, so much as talk to his sons about how much he loves and misses her — Bill can only stammer. Katie shrugs and says “That’s what I thought” before leaving.

More: What in the world is Brooke thinking?!?

Having overheard, Wyatt realizes what a complete and total moron he was to let a woman as awesome as Katie go, especially for women like Sally and Flo. Speaking of whom, Wyatt is shocked to find out that current girlfriend Flo told visiting Young & Restless troublemaker Summer about the antics her new rival/his ex, Sally, pulled during her final days in Los Angeles.

“Seriously?” Wyatt asks (and come on, you can totally hear him saying it). “You get that people around here call you Felony Flo, right? So maybe you weren’t in a position to tell Sally’s secrets?” Dumping Flo, Wyatt runs into Katie and, over numerous drinks at the Bikini Bar, they realize how premature their break-up was and decide to start dating again.

“We’ll move slow,” says Katie, “really make sure we know what we’re doing. Get it right this time.”

“But,” interjects Wyatt, gesturing a bit wildly with the umbrella from his fruity cocktail, “we’ll tell my dad ASAP, right? Because, I mean, watching his head explode? That’ll just be fun.”

In Other News…

Once Carter reveals Zoe’s antics, she’s fired, with Eric later announcing that Maya will once again become Forrester’s top model. That night, Zoe spies on Zende and Paris’ very romantic date. As Zoe’s seething, she’s approached by the newly-returned Nicole, who suggests they work together to come between the budding couple. “You get your husband back,” says Zoe, “but what’s in it for me?”

“God,” huffs Nicole, “doesn’t anyone stir up trouble just for the hell of it anymore?”

More: Watch B&B star try to dance out baby No. 2

So that’s how my imaginary week of Bold & Beautiful episodes would unfold. Hit the comments and share what you’d love to see happen if you were in charge. Then check out this gallery in which we look at 25 times stars’ real lives affected their storylines.