The klepto and the liar! (Soaps.com)

January was a big month for funny quips from our favorite characters on our soaps. On each soap, there is always one or two characters who brighten up the episode and there are always a few quotes to make you chuckle, almost daily. Here are just a few – 30, in fact, that the Soaps.com writers hope you’ll get a kick out of as much as we did.

All My Children

Tad and Liza have a spat, and she takes off to the police station to represent Damon. Krystal counsels Tad to go after her and do what he does best. Tad quips, “In the middle of the police station?” Krystal wryly replies, “Not that. Make her laugh.”

Jake and Amanda are in bed. She wonders how he always knows just what to do to make her feel better. Jake replies, “Being married to a doctor means I’ve always got the right medicine!”

Annie apologizes to Adam after her sexy performance lands him in the hospital with cardiac arrest. Adam laughs and tells her, “I’m fine. It will take more than a lap dance to kill me!”

As the World Turns

Mick: (to Barbara) Do you really think another girl could consume me the way you have?

Dr. Oliver: I’ve run into a conspiracy of idiots… with a few jerks thrown in.

Dr. Oliver: That’s a long term commitment and I came here for a one night stand.

Carly: (to Jack) You’re like alcohol to me.

Noah: (sarcastically) Sorry you went blind. I brought you a pie.

Carly: (to Jack) You’re the most married man I know,” she reminds.

Bold and the Beautiful

Steffy to Ridge about the Logans working at FC. “It’s like a clown car. You open the door and like a hundred of them come out.”

Justin: I’m going to arrange a trip to New York.
Bill: Why?
Justin: Because I don’t want to be in a ten mile radius when Ridge finds out his daughter has the hots for you.

Taylor to Ridge: “You have your Logan and I’m not your Doc anymore.”

Days of Our Lives

Rafe: I knew that was dumb when it was coming out of my mouth.

Chloe: (of her chocolate mousse cake) How can you leave this? That’s not human.

Hope: You’re hilarious. You sleep with my husband and it’s my fault.