Credit: Focus Features

If you see one more movie before the year is out, this should be it.

Opening in limited release on Friday, Dec. 2, Spoiler Alert, based on Michael Ausiello’s 2017 memoir, recounts not only the veteran TV journalist’s romance with future husband Kit Cowan but the last 11 months in Cowan’s life. Actually, let’s stop there for a second, OK? ’Cause you know what? I’m not going to refer to them as Cowan and Ausiello, I’m going to call them Kit and Mike, because that’s how I know them. Kit was, and Mike is, my friend; he’s also been a colleague since our days at Soaps in Depth magazine and is now one of my editors at our sister site, TVLine. (Lest you wonder, no, he didn’t ask me to write this; in fact, he won’t know that I did until you do. Now then, where were we? Ah, yes… )

I don’t want to go see Mike’s movie. There — I said it. I’m proud of his accomplishment. In awe of it, really. And I’m excited that Big Bang Theory Emmy winner Jim Parsons is playing him. (How surreal is that!) I can’t believe the producers found somebody who looks as much like Kit as Ben Aldridge does to bring him to life, or that Big Sick director Michael Showalter called the shots, or that Sally [bleeping] Field is in Spoiler Alert. All of that is amazing.

Yet I don’t really want to go sit in a theater and watch. You can tell from the trailer (which you can check out below) that Kit and Mike’s on-screen courtship is going to be Smurfing hilarious and adorable. You can tell that it’s not going to be as hard as you might have expected it to be to look at Parsons and see Mike as opposed to Sheldon. And you can tell that it’s going to leave you ugly-crying into your popcorn.

This isn’t a secret. The movie is just called Spoiler Alert, but the full title of Mike’s book is Spoiler Alert: The Hero Dies. And if you’ve followed him on social media for a few years, you probably read his occasional updates on Kit’s hard-fought but ultimately unwinnable battle with a rare form of neuroendocrine cancer.

So, even though I’m sure the film is going to be beautiful and touching and funny and all of the capital-T Things… Yeah, I’d rather skip it. I’d rather my friend still be alive and there for my other friend. I don’t get to see Mike often in person — we communicate more through TVLine’s Slack channel and texts than anything else these days — but I loved knowing that at the end of the day, every day, he had Kit. And vice versa. And I just liked knowing that Kit existed.

Much to Mike’s chagrin, I was always roping Kit into helping me with graphic-design projects. In part, that was because I suck at them, and he was brilliant at them — the eye on that guy! But also, I just liked making up excuses to hang out with Kit and his and Mike’s cat, Mr. Scooch, and flummoxing him with a love of punctuation that matched his fixation with fonts. (“Him” being Kit, not Mr. Scooch; the Scoocher really didn’t give a [bleep] about punctuation or fonts.) And I don’t like being reminded that there is no excuse I could make up now to make a Kit get-together happen again. I hate it. I hate knowing that Kit won’t be waiting for Mike at home tonight. Or tomorrow. Or ever.

Yes, I know I sound stupid and childish. “I wish my friend existed instead of this movie.” Well, duh. That doesn’t make it any less true, though. And I will go see Spoiler Alert. And I will laugh, and I will cry, and I will try to be glad, at least, that a lot of people who weren’t lucky enough to know Kit, much less to observe the love that gave such heft to the fizz of his and Mike’s relationship, will get some inkling of what made him and it so special. That will have to be enough.

Spoiler Alert moves into wider release on Friday, Dec. 9, and opens nationwide on Friday, Dec. 16.

Video: YouTube/Focus Features