real life issues collage lead
Credit: Images: Howard Wise/JPI (3); XJ Johnson/JPI (1)

It’s a mad, mad, mad, mad world…and I need to escape from it!

Under different circumstances, I’d be on a cruise ship right now. I’d be sipping fruity cocktails while trying to avoid poking my eye out with a tiny umbrella and letting people “twist my arm” into doing karaoke.

Instead, I’m sitting on my couch, watching reruns of General Hospital’s Nurses Ball, flashing back to a time when The Bold and the Beautiful’s Ridge wandered around in Speedos and being extremely grateful that Days of our Lives tapes far enough in advance that they have several months’ worth of new episodes in the can.

What I’m not doing is thinking, “Gee, I hope when B&B begins airing again, Forrester Creations’ models wear masks while strutting down the runway!” And although I’m sure The Young and the RestlessVictor could easily cut any rival down to size while maintaining a six-foot distance, I don’t want to see him cozying up with Nikki over Zoom.

There’s a cruel irony to the fact that, because we can’t really go anywhere, we need an escape more than ever. So while my esteemed colleague, Charlie Mason, has made a decent argument for why soaps should incorporate our current crisis into their storylines, I’m gonna have to say…“Sorry, Charlie, but no.”

If Port Charles, Salem, Genoa City and (a fictionalized version of) Los Angeles are the only places to which I’m going to travel this summer, I’ll need the real world’s problems to stay far, far away.

Do you want to see the problems unfolding in the real world reflected on the small screen, or would you rather life go on as normal for your favorite soap characters? Hit the comments to tell us what you do — and don’t — want to see and why!

Before you go, check out our gallery on what our favorite soap characters would be doing during quarantine.