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General Hospital Preview: Portia Walks Down the Aisle… Toward a Wedding-Day Disaster
Monday, February 13th, 2023
At these nuptials, something borrowed may be time; something blue, the bride.
General Hospital has Portia and Curtis all set to get hitched the week of February 13. But — and maybe you’ve heard — there’s a hitch. The bride is about to speak her vows knowing that she’s sitting on a whopper of a secret: that the man she’s marrying might not be about to become Trina’s stepfather because — dun-Dun–DUN! — he could already be her father!
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As if to guarantee that the ceremony goes up in flames, in the teaser that the ABC soap released, Curtis declares that “Portia and I are a sure thing.” Everybody knows that the best way to mess something up is to tempt fate by saying that nothing possibly could mess it up!
Right on cue, the promo then cuts to Jordan calling out Portia. And the smart money is on Curtis’ ex-wife stopping the wedding to prevent him from making it official with his next wife before he learns that Taggert may not be Trina’s dad, he himself may be.
If not Jordan, Stella has to be destined to bring the proceedings to a halt. If Portia can’t tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, no way should she be promising to love, honor and cherish Curtis!
What do you think? Will Curtis and Portia manage to end the week as husband and wife? Or will the bride end up saying “I’m doomed” instead of “I do”? En route to the comments, check out a photo gallery of soaps’ all-time greatest weddings below.
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Image: Disney General Entertainment Content/Getty Images
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<p>A year after the much-missed ABC soap premiered, it married off its first supercouple — and as you can probably tell from their portrait, they were a feisty pair. In fact, so contentious a twosome were they that it wasn’t until the last moment that viewers — or the lovers themselves — could be sure that a wedding was going to take place. Fearing that a ring on her groom’s finger would make him no less prickly and impossible than he’d always been, Mary developed a case of cold feet that was so bad, she at first couldn’t walk, much less march down the aisle.</p>
Image: Sean Smith/JPI
2/45
<p>“This was Mom’s,” the groom (then Michael Muhney) told his bride before slipping a chilly wedding band onto her finger in 2009. Mind you, what he <em>should’ve</em> said was “This is yours” before placing back into Sharon’s arms Faith, the baby he’d let her believe was dead so that he could replace the unborn child he’d caused stepmother Ashley to miscarry by putting on the worst drag act since Jiggly Caliente.</p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
3/45
<p>This photo from “Sinn’s” 2021 wedding may make it look like the grandmother of the bride disapproved of the match. But the late, great Stephanie was no doubt as relieved as viewers that her namesake had finally gotten off the marry-go-round with on-again/off-again husband Liam to “play doctor” with someone who had never dated her half sister. At least until it was revealed that Finn wasn’t your run-of-the-mill, unusually ripped M.D. but the surprise son of indefatigable madwoman-about-town Sheila. Then we’re sure the queen bee rolled over her grave.</p>
Image: ABC
4/45
<p>Not bad for a wedding that didn’t even have a honeymoon! The BFFs’ 2021 marriage was supposed to be one of convenience. But then a familiar flickering began between the old flames, one that became decidedly <em>in</em>convenient when the Widow Corinthos’ “late” husband Sonny rose from the grave to reclaim the role that his hired gun had taken a shot at filling.</p>
Image: John Paschal/JPI
5/45
<p>The couple’s 2001 remarriage should serve as a reminder to always check your guest list — repeatedly. It was all well and good that it included Eric and Stephanie, the groom’s father and stepmother. But on second thought, it probably should have left <em>off</em> Deacon, who refused to take “Amber’s just not that into you” for an answer. Also, where the heck were the Forresters supposed to get a spare plate of dry salmon to serve him at the reception? Dry salmon doesn’t grow on trees, people!</p>
Image: CBS
6/45
<p>“Should anyone present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony… ” Er, yeah. You can tell from a glance that Steffy did indeed know of a reason that her parents shouldn’t remarry in 2022. And since Mom wasn’t about to tell Dad that he’d only dumped spare wife Brooke because son Thomas had faked a call from her to Child Protective Services — long story — Steffy revealed the truth herself. She wanted her folks to reunite, sure, but in a romantic, sensible way… like if a pine cone fell on Ridge’s head and knocked some sense into him.</p>
Image: ABC screenshot
7/45
<p>Oops. Did we type “<em>Cord</em> and Tina” rather than “<em>Max</em> and Tina”? Our bad. But you can understand why we would get mixed up, can’t you, considering that at this unforgettably awkward 1988 wedding, the bride only blushed after accidentally inserting into her vows her former husband and true love’s name instead of that of the playboy with whom she was <em>supposed</em> to be tying the knot. </p>
Image: Sean Smith/JPI
8/45
<p>The “something borrowed” at this ill-fated 2014 wedding was the bride; the “something blue,” the groom, he just didn’t realize it yet. Why? Because even before he went temporarily blind, he refused to notice the way that adopted son Devon sulked anytime he was canoodling with the younger man’s future stepmother. Seriously, look at this picture. Is Devon’s the face of someone you’d want to make a toast at your reception?</p>
Image: Columbia Tristar Television/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
9/45
<p>Proof positive that love conquers all: The Hortons, who never should have divorced in the first place, threw a double wedding in 1986 with their adopted daughter and the former gang member who’d once shot his future father-in-law during a rumble and given his fiancée a preview of her bachelorette party during what he’d intended to be a secret stint as a stripper. Man, the 1980s were fun.</p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
10/45
<p>We somehow doubt that the second wedding of Victor and Ashley’s daughter will be her last. But we’ll still never forget it, owing to the fact that the groom’s portrayer, Donny Boaz, was out sick when the ceremony was taped in 2020, so the show brought in as a replacement… Justin Gaston, the real-life husband of Melissa Ordway (Abby). How’s <em>that</em> for art imitating life!</p>
Image: CBS
11/45
<p>Aaarrrggghhh! He was <em>so</em> close to not getting tangled up in the <em>Young & Restless</em> villainess’ web of deceit. But after the psycho got scared off from their 1993 wedding by archenemy Lauren, the bride from hell came back and managed to convince <span style="text-decoration: line-through">the eager dupe</span> her would-be husband to say the two little words (“I do”) that would leave him for years saying an altogether different phrase (“Oh crap!”).</p>
Image: NBCU Photo Bank/NBCUniversal via Getty Images
12/45
<p>Hail, hail, the gang was all here for the star-crossed lovers’ wedding. And why wouldn’t it have been standing-room only at the nuptials, considering everything that the bride and groom had endured to make it to the church, never mind make it to the church <em>on time</em>. If she wasn’t sleeping with Machiavellian Casanova Victor to save Shane’s life, the couple was playing a “Who’s the daddy?” story and/or trying to chase down their son, who — this being <em>just</em> their luck — had gone straight from his first diaper change to his first abduction.</p>
Image: ABC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
13/45
<p>Despite the fairy-tale trappings of the Warners’ spectacular 1980 wedding at Cortlandt Manor, “happily ever after” was still a ways off for the Pine Valley pair, owing largely to the fact that Cliff couldn’t figure out how to add into his vows to Nina a promise to “love, honor, cherish and tell you if I ever knock up a nurse. Oh, <em>speaking</em> of pregnant nurses… ” Yeah, it was like that.</p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
14/45
<p>Well, that’s <em>one</em> way to ensure that your wedding will be “dyn-o-mite!” The brides-to-be involved Mariah’s half brother and Tessa’s still-besotted ex-boyfriend Noah to participate in the planning of their 1970s-themed nuptials. Nevertheless, the ceremony turned out to be not only hella groovy but hella historic: In 2022, “Teriah” became the first same-sex couple to get married on the soap. “Telling stories about what the world really looks like,” Camryn Grimes told <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xGkHUOaBen4" target="_blank">GLAAD</a>, “only has an opportunity to bring people in, not isolate them.” Amen to that!</p>
Image: ABC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
15/45
<p>We know. It’s weird that the groom isn’t even <em>in</em> his wedding picture. But that’s only because his 1996 nuptials were really all about his bride’s ex-lover, Michael Corleone wannabe Sonny, who showed up at the ceremony with a surprise guest in tow: Jax’s “dead” wife, Miranda. As you can see, Brenda took the revelation in stride. Would you say that that constituted “taking out a hit” on her old flame?</p>
Image: Brian Lowe/JPI
16/45
<p>When you think of these Genoa City sophisticates, who went from illicit hookups to real love, you probably <em>don’t</em> think of spare ribs and beer, bolo ties and cowboy boots. Yet, due to circumstances too Byzantine to explain here, the future Newmans were inspired to take off for Texas and two-step down the aisle at a honky-tonk bar ahead of daughter Summer’s grand entrance into the world.</p>
Image: John Paschal/JPI
17/45
<p>The fifth time’s the charm? Erm, maybe not. There was a reason that Eric’s family chose to RSVP “no” when he took as wife No. 5 (unless you count remarriages) the madwoman who’d once pushed niece Ivy off a bridge and might have killed Ricardo Montemayor. And no, it wasn’t that Quinn would soon pull a Brooke and find herself drawn to stepson Ridge — it was, you know, all that other stuff!</p>
Image: Columbia-TriStar Television/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
18/45
<p>You not only survived the Salem Stalker’s reign of terror but cracked the case; what are you going to do next? If you said, “I’m going to Disney World,” you’re not Salem’s top cop and the Doc who never failed to provide him with TLC. In 1983, they instead promised to love, honor and cherish one another until death did them part. Which, for better or worse, it did<em> a lot.</em></p>
Image: Craig Sjodin/ABC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
19/45
<p>As if predicting the way that all of Port Charles would ultimately describe their disastrous marriage in the future, the soon-to-be Mrs. Quartermaine exclaimed to her would-be better half that “it was a terrible, terrible mistake” when he got a gander at the gold digger at the altar in her scarlet-red wedding gown in 1990. The lovers had scarcely managed to say “I do” before Lucy had “I done it” with Scotty!</p>
Image: Aaron Montgomery/JPI
20/45
<p>Maybe the third time would’ve been the charm. As it was, the Winterses only got to marry twice before their love story was cut short by one tragedy (Neil died in his sleep) after another (Dru went off a cliff). At least their 2003 “I do”-over was especially lovely, taking place as it did in Japan and including among the guests their teenage daughter, Lily… who was actually the biological child of her Uncle Malcolm. On second thought, this remarriage was doomed from the start. Some things simply don’t boil down to location, location, location.</p>
Image: NBC screenshot
21/45
<p>When the groom discovered in his pocket not his wedding vows but his grocery list, he blurted out, “Milk, butter, ground beef… These I pledge you for the rest of my days.” From there, he just winged it, agreeing not to floss in the bedroom and adding, “Certainly, other women are out of the question.” Julia wasn’t going to change her mind about him, was she? “You promised me butter and ground beef and wanna know if I’m gonna change my mind?” she replied. Nope. Her answer was and (almost) always would be “yes.”</p>
Image: Jill Johnson/JPI
22/45
<p>Complete as it was with one crasher (Gabi, dressed to kill) after another (Vivian, armed to do the same), the cops’ 2020 wedding didn’t just make for a good time, it made history. As the groom’s portrayer, Lamon Archey, pointed out, “Elani” was “the <a href="https://soaps.sheknows.com/days-of-our-lives/news/570175/days-of-our-lives-eli-grant-lani-price-historical-wedding/" target="_blank">first African-American couple to get married on <em>Days</em></a> in 54 years!”</p>
Image: Sean Smith/JPI
23/45
<p>Blame it on the altitude? Fresh from his first broken engagement to Hope in 2011, daytime’s most notorious waffler did what any unable-to-be-single fella did and took off for Aspen, where he exchanged vows on a mountaintop with her sometime stepsister — blissfully unaware that she and his father had arranged for his virginal ex to get stuck in a gondola so that she couldn’t interrupt the wedding.</p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
24/45
<p>When the Morgans showed up at their 2011 nuptials in their trademark black attire, they had a big announcement to make, one that damn near caused wedding planner Maxie’s head to explode: “There’s not going to be a wedding tonight.” What?!? The couple, in typically atypical fashion, had ridden off on the groom’s bike and wound up becoming husband and wife, dragon and phoenix, at the Noodle Buddha restaurant.</p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
25/45
<p>We know what you’re thinking, and you’re right. Totally. We could’ve just as easily included in this countdown the deathbed remarriage of “Hevon.” But our eyes are puffy enough as it is, so we can’t afford the tears. And besides, we’d rather think of the couple in happier times, like 2015, when their dreams of a future together still had a snowball’s chance in hell of coming true.</p>
Image: Aaron Montgomery/JPI
26/45
<p>Brace yourselves — seriously — because the memorable wardrobe that the couple donned for their second remarriage in 2003 <em>wasn’t</em> the most remarkable thing about their South American nuptials. No. That would be the fact that shortly after the ceremony, the groom (then Ronn Moss) was kidnapped by abduction enthusiast Sheila and presumed dead, which led his “widow” to do what anyone would do in her headdress and shtup <span style="text-decoration: line-through">Jack Wagner</span> her brother-in-law, Nick.</p>
Image: ABC
27/45
<p>In their dreams… in their waking hours… <em>all</em> the time, really, the high-school sweethearts knew what they wanted — as well as what they didn’t. “I never want another day that doesn’t include you,” Lucky told Liz on Valentine’s Day in 1999. And though they wouldn’t officially tie the knot until years later (with Greg Vaughan as the groom instead of Jonathan Jackson), we considered them happily hitched all along.</p>
Image: Jill Johnson/JPI
28/45
<p>Forget a honeymoon. The otherwise beautiful 2020 wedding of “Cin” ended in more explosive a fashion than even a speech by a drunken best man could bring to bear. Still steamed about the groom’s stint as a serial killer — <em>imagine</em>! — Eve avenged her daughter’s senseless murder by blowing up the ceremony, kidnapping Ben and attempting to brainwash him into giving his newly-minted missus a fatal neck rub.</p>
Image: Sean Smith/JPI (2)
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<p>In 2009, the JV scheme team of Thomas and Steffy was so eager to reunite Mom and Dad that they kept him from receiving game-changing texts from his on-again/off-again “destiny.” Once Brooke realized that she’d been had — and by those pesky kids, no less! — she galloped off to stop Ridge from remarrying her rival, ultimately arriving just in time for the officiant to pronounce them “man and… <em>horse</em>!”</p>
Image: Howard Wise/JPI
30/45
<p>The deck was stacked against the Genoa City power couple as they attempted to tie the knot in Tuscany in the fall of 2021. But as keen on winning as they both were, they looked at beating the odds as just the icing on the (wedding) cake. So they weren’t about to let either her busybody ex-husband or his pesky blackmailer keep their <span style="text-decoration: line-through">“merger” from going through</span> marriage from taking place.</p>
Image: ABC
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<p>The Bible passage about a silent wife being a gift from the Lord was all but written for Port Charles’ godfather and his moll, who originally tied the knot in 2000 so that she couldn’t be compelled to testify to the fact that he wasn’t really the Juan Valdez of Port Charles. Even then, of course, Carly (then Sarah Brown) was so enamored of the dimpled don that if need be, she would’ve walked down the aisle toward him wearing cement shoes.</p>
Image: NBC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
32/45
<p>“What she just said,” stuttered the groom at his 1991 nuptials, “that goes double for me.” And not a soul in attendance could blame him after his new wife recited poetry to him at the altar. “Now we will feel no rain, for each of us will be shelter to each other,” said Jennifer (then Melissa Reeves), “and now we will feel no cold, for each of us will be warmth to each other. Now there is no loneliness. We are two bodies, but there is one life before us.” Yeah, tough to top that. (And that’s just a sample.)</p>
Image: Jerry Fitzgerald/ABC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
33/45
<p>If you were expecting a boring old regular wedding from Port Charles’ superspy exes, boy, were you in for a surprise in 1991. Also, why would you expect a boring old regular wedding from two of the show’s most exciting characters ever? Anyway, the nuptials that reunited Robin’s parents included not only an invited guest who freaked out and pulled a gun (lookin’ at you, Dominique) but an uninvited one who tried to steal away the bride (give it up already, Faison).</p>
Image: Disney General Entertainment Content/Getty Images (2)
34/45
<p>They say that first loves never last — but not to these two, they don’t. In 1984, the high-school sweethearts graduated to husband and wife in a ceremony that neither they nor fans could believe was really happening. After a jealous Liza had done her damnedest to keep them apart, and paralysis had made it look like the groom wouldn’t be able to walk down the aisle (or anywhere), the youngsters tied the knot in an especially moving ceremony… that was soon followed by Jenny’s death-by-jet-ski courtesy of her off-his-rocker ex-fiancé, Brent.</p>
Image: NBC
35/45
<p>After all that the erstwhile Patch and his beloved Sweetness had been through to get together in 1988, you would think that they might have wanted to lay low for a while. You would think wrong, however. Following their “must-sea” wedding aboard a yacht, the embattled supercouple took off for a honeymoon that was less rest and relaxation than it was action and adventure.</p>
Image: ABC screenshot
36/45
<p>OK, so this image from the future Drakes’ first nuptials in 2008 doesn’t look terribly romantic, we’ll grant you. But, in fact, their ceremony was interrupted for the sweetest of all possible reasons: The bride’s water broke, and shortly thereafter, she gave birth to most wonderful wedding present — their daughter, Emma.</p>
Image: CBS
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<p>A few months after eloping in 1995, the rich boy/poor girl combo platter said “I redo” — and then some. “You have already made me happier than I ever dreamed was possible,” the bride exclaimed to her groom. “Well, hang onto your hat,” he replied. “We’re just getting started.” Wisely, he refrained from predicting aloud their eventual breakups and subsequent marriages to other people.</p>
Image: NBC
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<p>Adorably, the couple thought that they were renewing their vows in 1986. But, although Marlena’s love for her groom was real, his identity was… er, not. He was no more Roman Brady than he was Roman Polanski; he was John Black, the perpetual pawn of the nefarious Stefano. Still, it was a glorious ceremony, complete with the bride rocking a Christmas-tree topper. And did you try the scampi at the reception? To. Die. For.</p>
Image: CBS/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
39/45
<p>With daughter Marah in tow, the self-professed “slut of Springfield” was made an honest woman in 1989 by the now-grown boy she’d always loved — and at Cross Creek, where they’d first gotten together as kids. “From this moment on,” Josh told his bride, “we are going to be the family that we were always meant to be… the family that we always were.” Which apparently was dysfunctional, but that’s a whole <em>other</em> story…</p>
Image: NBC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
40/45
<p>Adding to the magic of the Salem supercouple’s long, <em>long</em>-awaited 1976 nuptials — the first of their three marriages, for those who are into counting — was the fact that the lovers’ portrayers, Bill Hayes and Susan Seaforth Hayes, had already exchanged vows in real life two years prior. (Fun fact: Unlike the Williamses, the Hayeses never had to re-“I do” it.)</p>
Image: Jeff Katz/TV Guide/CBS/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
41/45
<p>Maybe these two have always been one another’s destiny. Heaven knows we’ve been told that often enough. But they didn’t surrender to their fates and become husband and wife until 1994, after Ridge had already been widowed by Caroline and Brooke had… well, cheated on her future father-in-law with her then-stepson on the floor of the lab in which they’d created wrinkle-free fabric. What? How would <em>you</em> have celebrated?</p>
Image: NBC screenshot (2)
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<p>There wasn’t a dry eye in the house when the legendary supercouple at last got hitched in 1988 — and not just because they’d had an outdoor wedding during hay-fever season, either. “When I was a younger man, I was scared to death of the idea of getting married,” admitted the groom. “I want to thank you for changing my mind about it.” In turn, his bride swore that “my goal will always be to understand you, never to change you.” Why would either of them endeavor to change the other? They were perfect.</p>
Image: NBC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
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<p>Though the tough guy had always had trouble expressing his feelings before, he eagerly spoke from the heart on the day that he and his Fancy Face exchanged vows in England in 1985. As for the bride, she was an open book. “I was pretty young when I met you,” she recalled, “and I’d get so mad when you’d call me Little One.” But that was then, and this was now. “Knowing you and loving you,” she continued, “has made me a woman, and I am your woman, Bo.”</p>
Image: CBS
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<p>“Everyone who’s anyone is going to be there,” exclaimed upwardly-mobile Jill before the 1984 wedding of the future Newmans. Right she was, including about a bazillion breathless viewers. And despite the fact that the mercurial marrieds would un- and retie the knot over and over again through the years, we — and, we suspect, they — will never forget their insanely lavish first time.</p>
Image: ABC/Courtesy of the Everett Collection
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