Lisa LoCicero gh arlene richie olivia

Arlene Richie/JPI

“Even Sonny,” added the actress, who plays Olivia.

We don’t know why, but when we can’t sleep, it never seems as funny as when Lisa LoCicero can’t. In the wee hours of November 29, the General Hospital star announced that she was still up. “Insomnia,” she tried to tweet, “and Twitter just refused to post simply ‘insomnia’ for the second time… hours later…

“It said, ‘Oops! You already said that,’” she went on. “I know I did, Twitter. Brevity. I’m still awake. But good to know Twitter is looking out for me.”

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At 4:15 in the morning, LoCicero remained at it, adrenaline coursing through her veins like a freight train. “I feel like I could run a marathon right now,” she said, “or go on a crime spree… or Kondo my sweater shelf.”

Being a sunny-side-up kinda person, Olivia’s portrayer tried to look on the bright side. “At least,” she noted, since she was awake, “I could really feel my 5-year-old’s icy foot just kick me in the face.” She also could make book recommendations (Michael Ian Black’s Better Man) and work on what seemed like it could develop into an enviable standup-comedy routine.

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After listening to an Al Franken podcast about how social media is destroying the world, LoCicero cracked, “So… there’s even worse stuff than me buying cat-scratch ramps, butt-exercise machines, faux-leather leggings I don’t want from Instagram ads all day… ?

“I don’t have a cat,” she added, nailing what was that? Like her third punchline in one bit?

Eventually, the daytime vet stumbled upon a revolutionary idea. “I can’t be the first to note that General Hospital could just go scene to scene in surgery rooms with everyone in a mask,” she mused. “And do not @ me with BS about ‘There are no doctors on General Hospital anymore,’ because it is a [bleeping] daytime drama, and we could all be surgeons next Tuesday.

“Yes,” she added, “even Sonny.”

LoCicero went so far as to begin scripting OR scenes that qualified as OMG ones. “Scalpel,” she had the doctor saying. “Here’s your scalpel, Doc,” replied the nurse — is she flirting? — “and did you further know that Olivia and Scorpio are in big trouble in Monte Carlo?”

“Hardly the time for this,” huffed the doctor.

“Sure, Doc,” the nurse continued, “but if Ned gets jealous, he may have sex with Alexis.” The doctor couldn’t deny that that was troubling. But he nonetheless needed suction; there was a patient on the table. “Suction,” echoed the nurse. “Hope Olivia never finds out.”

Based on his response, the doctor is a soap fan. “She will,” he said. “She will.”

More: William deVry anticipates removing General Hospital from DVR

While you’re pondering why LoCicero isn’t already a member of the soap’s writing team — and hoping she finally got some shuteye — peruse the below photo album of all of the actors who have recently exited, or are about to exit, General Hospital.