She's back! (Howard Wise/JPI Studios)

The GH Rant from May 25 – 29:

Ava, but not Ava, returned to Port Charles this week, as did two other known criminals. Let’s discuss what happened on “General Hospital.”

Do you know “The Nanny?”
Ava, or someone who looks just like her, showed up with a cockamamie story about being a recently dumped beautician from Queens named Denise DeMuccio. This sounds a lot like a popular sitcom from the nineties to me. Nobody believed it, and the fact that she had a tattoo where her gunshot wound should be, and her fingerprints were gone, made things even more suspicious. However Denise was the highlight of the week and dropped some amazing lines, especially her insults about Sam’s style and Morgan’s intelligence, or lack thereof. Denise and Sonny’s scenes in jail when she was offering to whip out a breast to prove who she was were hysterical. I would love to see those blooper reels, as I’m not sure how either actor kept a straight face delivering those lines. Denise, “Which boob do you want to see?” Sonny, “The right one!”

When the DNA tests finally came back it was revealed that Denise wasn’t Ava, but she was a very close relative. This perplexed her and everyone else. How could this be? Many fans are speculating that Silas saved Ava with a bone marrow transplant from Avery, and that has resulted in alterations to her DNA. Ava’s mom Delia turned up by the end of Friday’s show with a way to explain. I’m sure she’s going to claim this is a long lost identical cousin, because “GH” loves those stories. However Delia knew Ava was alive, and if this is Ava, it is likely she is helping her daughter cover.

Shawn goes down in a blaze of glory.
In last week’s GH blog I ranted about how Jordan couldn’t seem to win with TJ. Now I understand why he’s mad, his mom dumped him for a job and lied to him over and over. What irks me is his hero worship of Shawn for doing worse things than his mom has done. Shawn tried to kill a man for cripes sakes, and he thinks he put an innocent woman in a coma. However that doesn’t seem to matter to TJ. TJ respects men like Shawn, Sonny and Duke, but not his mom. Shawn’s last bit of advice to him, that it was better to go down and do the time than be a snitch, was pretty much a final jab at Jordan. Honestly, I expect to see TJ working for Sonny by next week.

We did learn that Shawn is TJ’s father, and that Jordan lied to try and save her marriage at the time. Shawn’s one noble act was not telling TJ the truth, as he didn’t want to take his father from him twice. I’m not sure how noble it was though because once TJ finds out it will be one more reason to hate his mother.

Valerie gets a job.
Of all the jobs Valerie could have applied for, she chooses the PCPD so she can be close to Dante. Shady! I am really starting to dislike Valerie. Lulu tried to get Nikolas to put pressure on Sloane not to hire her, but Sloane is out of a job and Nikolas has no leverage at the PCPD. Lulu hated herself for even resorting to such machinations. She better embrace whatever dark side she has or she will lose her man to Valerie!