If a plot is being hatched in Genoa City, there is never any less than a 90-percent chance that behind it is the former Gloria Simmons, the scene-stealing matriarch of the Baldwin-Fisher family. On second thought, make that a 95-percent chance.
Who’s Your Big Daddy?
When a voice of reason is called for among the relatives, trouble magnets one and all, it’s ordinarily provided by Gloria’s older son, Michael Baldwin, the silver-fox attorney who over the years has gone from sexual harasser to sexy beast.
Behind Every Great Man…
Keeping Michael on the straight and narrow — well, as much as anyone possibly could, anyway — is his true love, Lauren Fenmore, a drop-dead-gorgeous boutique heiress whose high school yearbook suggests that she’s Most Likely to Inspire a Movie Called Mean Girls.
Michael and Lauren were stunned when son Fenmore quit law school to pursue a career in music. But how could they stay mad at the kid? His heart is as big as… well… see above. And, at least for the moment, he wasn’t splashing around in water so hot, it could scald him.
Welcome to the Family
In 2023, Fen returned to Genoa City with a boyfriend… about whom we wanted to but couldn’t have terribly high hopes. Not only had Fen apparently come out to his parents off screen, but Fenmore’s buyer Trey didn’t even get a last name. (Snazzy suit, at least.)
She Sure Can Pick ’Em
There was a reason that Gloria’s second husband, Tom Fisher, was nicknamed “Terrible Tom” — and it wasn’t ’cause he was so nice! Years after they split up, the rat bastard proved how much he hadn’t changed by helping loco lovergirl Sheila Carter terrorize her archenemy, Lauren.
‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’
If one good thing came of Gloria’s marriage to Tom, it was Kevin Fisher, the half brother that Michael loves with his whole heart. Mind you, like his sibling, Kevin had to go through a major patch of ick (as an internet predator and chipmunk bandit) before becoming a man who deserved to say…
Kiss Me, Kate
Kevin is happily hitched to the erstwhile Kate Valentine, aka Chloe Mitchell, who perhaps more than most could relate to his past misdeeds. She did, after all, try to pass off Cane Ashby as the father of her late daughter with Billy Abbott and later tried to kill her killer, Adam Newman.
If at First You Don’t Succeed…
Kevin only got involved with Chloe, with whom he has two kids, Bella and Miles, after the tragic ending of his marriage to Jana Hawkes, a British barista who unfortunately had more screws loose than a roller coaster nobody would dare to ride.
What Are the Odds?
Gloria’s first husband — Michael’s father, Lowell Baldwin — had abandoned them to go on the run from the law in the ’60s. They weren’t reunited until “River” turned out to be the guru officiating the hippie-themed wedding of Kevin and Jana in 2008.
Here Comes the Son
Lauren’s ill-fated marriage to the also-ill-fated Dr. Scott Grainger — the first object of Sheila’s obsession — resulted in enough tears being shed to fill a swimming pool. On the plus side, it also resulted in the birth of Scott Jr., an investigative journalist once involved with Sharon Newman. (Then again, who wasn’t?)
The late Neil Fenmore let pampered daughter Lauren get away with murder. Well, not literally. But he probably would’ve. As it was, the department-store magnate allowed her to come down with adolescent affluenza and the impression that the world revolved around her. Which, at least for him, it did.
Mother of the Bride
For better or worse — OK, worse — on hand when Lauren married Michael was her mom, Joanna Manning. The snippish socialite wasn’t exactly the nurturing type. In fact, she once said that she wished she’d aborted Lauren. So you can understand why the bride would want to act as a buffer between Granny and Scott (Blair Redford here).
Twisted Sister Act
Also on Lauren’s side of the Baldwin-Fisher family, we have Jill Atkinson, the sibling that she didn’t know was her sibling until they were both old enough to engage in super-mature shoving matches over the Fenmore fortune. (Hey, some things, ya never grow out of!)
Whelp, She Was Pretty, at Least
No matter how many times Lowell’s daughter Eden Gerick was recast — three at last count — the character never clicked with viewers. Maybe because she was about as interesting as watching paint dry. Maybe the fourth time will be the charm for Noah Newman’s old flame…
Your Brain Is About to Hurt in Three, Two…
Vaguely connected to the Baldwin-Fishers is Lucy Romalotti, who is the daughter of — here we go! — Daniel Romalotti and the late Daisy Carter, who was the daughter of Terrible Tom and the equally terrible if not so-named Sheila. Got all that?
The One That Got Away
If Gloria had a true love, it was probably John Abbott, whom she adored at least almost as much as she did his millions. Heck, the late cosmetics tycoon was so her type that years after he passed away, she carried on an affair with his son, her onetime nemesis, Jack.
The *Other* One That Got Away
On second thought, maybe Gloria’s true love was Jeffrey Bardwell, who was every bit the scheme weaver that she is. Sure, she’d married his twin brother Will, too, but given her and Jeffrey’s shared love of shenanigans, they had a whole lot more in common.