Look up the phrase “Damsel In Distress” in the Soap Opera Dictionary, and you’re going to find a pic of this General Hospital heroine. Poor thing hasn’t had much to smile about since the day we met her. But hey, unlike most of Michael’s exes, she’s at least alive… for the moment.
It was a shock when Bold & Beautiful sent Sheila flying off Bill’s balcony… but it probably shouldn’t have been. This show loves to push, shove, hurl and throw Los Angeles residents off of stuff. Heck, Caroline fell off that exact same spot not all that long ago… and while wearing pretty much the same outfit!
While in the real world, people call a Lyft or order an Uber, when folks like Days of Our Lives‘ Stephanie and Chad have had too much to drink, they say, “I’ll get us a rideshare.” Sounds totally natural, right?
Rather than calmly suggest that their rivals talk to the hand, soap characters like Young & Restless’ Nikki tend to get slap happy. Now, if it happens to be a situation where the slappee returns the favor, our rule book indicates that you should do two shots. Seems only fair, right?
Almost immediately upon arriving in Port Charles, General Hospital‘s Victor began speaking in cryptic terms about his plan. At first, it seemed to involve uniting the Cassadine clan and we assumed things would become clearer over time. Eventually they did — ack! — at which point the word “pathogen” quickly became the new “plan.”
At this point, we’re kinda ready for Bold & Beautiful‘s former rivals to go back to trading insults instead of hugs. We love the idea of the women putting themselves first and leaving Ridge on the curb with the rest of the trash. But could they maybe dial back the sophomoric tittering?
As Nicole Leanne said to us on Twitter, “I’d be one heck of a drunk soap fan if I chugged every time DiMera Enterpreses changed CEOs” on Days of Our Lives. And while Gabi would love to prove her wrong, something tells us there’ll be a new name on her door momentarily!
That’s right, we’re pointing at you, Diane! Although we’re not sure why Young & Restless’ Jack was so surprised by his ex’s return. He’s attended at least three memorial services for Victor (if only to dance on his proverbial grave).
We’re not sure why characters spend so much time asking themselves, “What happened on that night that I can’t remember?” instead of just heading directly to their local shrink. One session with General Hospital‘s Kevin, and Liz remembered more about her mysterious past than she had in the previous six months!
We get it, the Bold & Beautiful dynamic duo put Sheila behind bars (where she’d already been, but that’s another story). We’re still not sure exactly what Ridge’s role in the whole thing was, but perhaps we can just give them the keys to the city and move on?
When two couples agree to share their wedding day, you can be pretty sure at least one’s ceremony will wind up going south. When Days of Our Lives Leo and Craig hitched their big day to that of Xander and Gwen, we wound up with double the drama as both couples went down in flames!
When Bold & Beautiful had Taylor and Ridge making out during a gorgeous locations shoot — complete with a drone capturing the action from above — we knew this was a moment we’d be reliving… a lot. Hiccup!
“If you work at Forrester Creations or Spencer Publications and have gotten sexually involved with a subordinate, raise your hand.” Oh my. Of course, Bold & Beautiful isn’t the only show on which this happens, but to the best of our recollection, Forrester is the only company with a mixed-sex sauna, and that’s just asking for trouble!
To be fair, you probably won’t even catch half a buzz via this rule. Heck, Days of Our Lives shows Chad’s children so infrequently that we’re not even sure these are them! Consider this one our gift to the lightweights out there.
Look, we appreciate a little eye candy as much as anyone else. But it’s just weird when someone like, say, Thomas on Bold & Beautiful not only greets you shirtless, but then invites you in, chats you up, maybe even cooks dinner without bothering to slip into something a little less comfortable! Of course, that’s nothing compared to when…
Guys on Bold & Beautiful routinely get undressed in unlocked offices, usually changing to go to the rooftop gym. But you’d think that a building that has both a workout area and a sauna might also have a locker room!
We’ll say this for Young & Restless’ Black Knight: He can make the most innocuous of nicknames sound almost obscene. We’re kinda surprised the rest of Genoa City hasn’t started calling Jack’s brother “Billy Boy,” because it really does roll trippingly off the tongue!
This one’s a classic. In fact, General Hospital doc Monica declaring that the Quartermaine mansion is hers because late husband Alan gave it to her might be where the soap-opera drinking game originated.
As if being dumped by longtime hubby Craig for a younger man wasn’t bad enough, Days of Our Lives‘ Nancy then got engaged to Abigail’s murderer, Clyde. That’s so heartbreaking, we’re tempted to share our booze. But only tempted. Let’s be real.
There are many reasons we’ll miss the Kiriakis patriarch, whose portrayer, John Aniston, passed away last November. Victor did not suffer fools gladly, yet in his estimation, he was surrounded by nothing but. Pretty much every word out of his mouth was as sarcastic as it was quotable.
People on Young & Restless are more likely to be appointed CEO of a company than they are to make out with someone… and that’s a real problem on a soap opera! Adam, Nate, Victor, Victoria, Ashland, Lily, Billy and Sally have all gotten new power positions in the first part of 2022. Heck, we’re just waiting for someone to name Esther CCO (Chief Cleaning Officer) of Chancellor!
Seeing Ava without a cocktail in her hands is just sad. Of course, if we actually had one every time she does, we’d probably wind up in General Hospital with a bad case of alcohol poisoning!
If Bold & Beautiful’s Thomas doesn’t seem to recognize son Douglas, it’s probably because he rarely sees the kid. Liam and Hope might struggle with that one, too, given that Douglas and Beth spend most of their time hanging out with Donna… somewhere off screen.
Sharon should be living high off the proverbial hog, and not just because the Young & Restless beauty has married (and divorced) some of the richest guys in town. But while her coffee shop is the place to be, that’s probably because nobody ever pays for what they ordered!
For people who never lock their front door and have kids who could wander in at any moment, Bold & Beautiful marrieds Liam and Hope spend a lot of time making love in the living room, whether on the couch or in front of the fireplace. That said, do two shots if…
Note to self: Do not touch anything in Adam’s office, because the Young & Restless hunk and ex-girlfriend/babymama Sally had sex pretty much everywhere before they broke up. The couch? Check. The desk? Check. The floor? We’re just gonna assume that’s a yes.
Having been married to the Young & Restless Machiavelli long (and often) enough to know him better than anyone else, Mrs. Newman often scoffs at her hubby’s declarations… usually right to his face!
We may not often see the General Hospital tot, but boy, does he get talked about… a lot. Since his birth, he’s had more claims staked on him than the state of California during the gold rush.
If someone in Salem walks up and says, “Guess who?” think twice before answering. Why? Because on Days of Our Lives, it might be someone wearing a magic mask that changes everything from the wearer’s voice to their height.
Anybody remember the last time Lily’s Young & Restless beau was actually happy for an extended period? If the poor little rich boy had a drink named after him, it would be called a Man Pain.
Why does anyone in Port Charles ever go down to the docks… especially at night? It would be impossible to list the number of awful things that have happened to General Hospital characters in that crime-ridden area, yet residents are drawn there like teens to a 7-11 parking lot!
It seems certain characters — usually villains — must always be referred to by first and last name. General Hospital bad guys Cyrus Renault and Peter August, for example, or Days of Our Lives’ gone-but-never-forgotten Stefano DiMera.
Rarely has so small a creature been the center of so many plot points that are so despised by so many. From kidnappings to medical emergencies, custody battles to literal daddy issues, this kid’s had as many Young & Restless storylines as last names.
Nobody cries as easily or often as Bold & Beautiful‘s Brooke. True story: During an in-person interview, we once asked portrayer Katherine Kelly Lang if she could cry on demand. With a smile, she asked, “From which eye?” before proving she most certainly could.
If we were going to name a drink after General Hospital‘s Esme, it would be Ennui & Bitters, ’cause… well, look at the expression on that puss! And that was probably taken on one of her good days!
At least when Young & Restless‘ Tucker decided to literally drop in on Kyle and Summer’s nuptials, the uninvited guest did so in the classiest way possible: He arrived via helicopter, then gave the newlyweds a Bentley!
Soap police are almost always the last to know, especially when it comes to who really committed a crime. While almost nobody arrested by Days of Our Lives’ Rafe is what you’d call innocent, rarely are they guilty of the crime of which they stand accussed.
It was borderline shocking when Bold & Beautiful‘s Sheila was actually apprehended and jailed. Less shocking? When she managed to break out, fake her death (drink!) and return wearing a mask (double-shot!) to hide her identity.
Brooke and Liam have been spending an awful lot of time together. And given that Bold & Beautful loves borderline incestuous relationships — and Brooke has a history of sleeping with her daughters’ beaus — we want to have that shot ready for when these two finally cross the line they’ve been dancing on for some time now.
Every single time a soap character is sent to prison, they wind up bunking with someone they have a previous connection to. If you’re as unlucky as Days of Our Lives‘ EJ, it might even be the guy who “killed” you a few years back.
Alison Groves pointed out on Twitter that soaps love nothing more than to have someone take a long, meaningful pause as they gaze into the distance just before the screen fades to black. Here, we see Days of Our Lives‘ Paulina giving a master class in that skill!
Information is a commodity, so being in the right place at the right time is crucial. Bold & Beautiful‘s Othello just happened to be lurking in the woods when Brooke and Ridge broke up during their time in Aspen. Why? Time will tell…
While our favorite characters often use their computers, they never seem to go to sites like Google, Facebook or Twitter. Instead, they go to Oogle, Facetime and other fake websites.
When not talking to themselves — which they do a lot — soapsters love reciting exposition having revealing discussions with portraits of their loved ones, enemies… really, under the right circumstances, any old picture will do. Just ask Days of Our Lives‘ Johnny, who often seeks advice from late grandpa Stefano.
It’s bad enough that characters like Days of Our Lives‘ Gwen tend to talk to themselves endlessly. Worse, they aren’t having innocuous self-chats about their grocery lists or what to wear, but rather incredibly incriminating ones… which are inevitably walked in on by someone else. Every. Single. Time.
Daytime’s richest characters have private jets at their disposal and diamonds for every occasion. But you know what they don’t possess? The ability to lock a door or the good manners to knock before entering! No wonder Bold & Beautiful‘s Ridge gets ticked when he comes home and finds Bill’s just let himself in yet again!
Get ready, folks, because this classic Bold & Beautiful entry has everything. Chug once for a wedding in the Forrester living room. Again because Carter is the officiant. A shot for the ceremony being interrupted and a fourth for a secret coming to light at the worst possible time. If you’re still standing, pat yourself on the back… and drink some water. Hydration is key to surviving the soap-opera drinking game!
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