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Deconstructing DOOL: Feeling a Little Crusty About Some of Our Salemites

March 16 – 20

days column march 20

Image: Jill Johnson/JPI

What happened this week? What didn’t happen this week?! It’s been a busy one here and on Days of our Lives, and I’m feeling a little crusty today about some of our Salemites.

Orpheus is back to wreak havoc

Orpheus returned to help take care of David at Evan’s behest. I guess. I forgot that he was presumed dead. He was sure to remind the audience of who he was by breaking that fourth wall and calling himself Orpheus. That made me look around (I was alone in the room) and laugh aloud. I get a similar fatherly vibe from Orpheus as I do from Clyde. Having Evan call him “Sir” was very telling. But overall, so far, I don’t care. We don’t know or care about Evan. He needs to be in prison not just for killing Jordan but kidnapping David. He’s as psycho as his daddy Orpheus. Gee, I can’t wait to meet the daughter. Was she the ‘Mary Poppins’ that was taking care of David? Perhaps she’ll be played by Alyshia Ochse who first appears in April. I know you’re asking yourself, “Will the whole family be whack jobs?”

If there’s a baby switch, Nicole’s involved

Nicole is 99.9% sure that Mackenzie is Kristen and Brady’s baby especially since Dr. Raynor is a terrible liar with a lousy poker face and Xander is, well, Xander. She knows what he’s capable of. Instead of spilling the tea, Nic’s looking to get a paternity test done. It might be a good idea to have proof first, before throwing the possibility out there, considering how sensitive this information is, but come on, any results from a paternity test done will be switched by Xandy. And when the truth does come out, Eric will turn back into Eeyore, especially when he finds out Nicole again kept the truth from him. Nobody wants to see Eeyore back and I don’t know about you but I’m sick of Nicole’s insecurities. I’d rather see Nic drinking dirty martinis and slinging insults at people! Even her catfight with Kristen was…meh.

Worst engagement ever

Xander is digging his grave deeper with each passing day by lying to Sarah while he’s getting closer to her, building up her trust. His proposal came out of nowhere and was bold, considering his lies. But it was sweet…until Sarah burst into laughter. I was so horrified that I couldn’t concentrate on the rest of the scene and had to watch it twice. She was so crass, loud and goofy that I truly believe no matter what he’s done, he’s in love. I cringed when she saw the ring and asked, “Wow. That’s not bad. Is this stolen?” Worse, Maggie said the same thing. So trashy. Poor Xandy.

Doing the right thing

Maggie’s willingness to bypass Victor’s lawyers and take whatever is coming to her really helped me move toward forgiving her for killing Adrienne and her granddaughter. It doesn’t take much but I did roll my eyes when Mags sobbed to Eric about judging him for murdering her son with his DUI. WTF? It wasn’t so much of an apology as it was commiseration. Who does that? I wish I could block that from my mind. It’s one thing to forgive because forgiveness is done not for the other person but for ourselves, but you don’t apologize for judging someone for murdering your child. What drugs is she smokin’?

More: Supernatural Season 15, Episode 11 recap, Galaxy Brain

Kidnapping

In the past month alone, Kayla, Evan, and Marlena have been kidnapped. Kate and Gabi are next. It’s too much. I’d have settled for one, even two but Salem’s a hotbed of crime. Things don’t just happen in threes. They happen in fives. I still don’t understand Chad’s brainwashing. How does the drug in his drink work when he hears the words La Famiglia? And why does he hear Stefano’s voice in his head? How does that work?

Is Hope really back?

Most of us can’t decide whether Dr. Rolf turned Princess Gina back into Hope or if he somehow left the chip in and Gina’s playing us. The first few minutes after she woke up she had that Gina smirk on her face and she didn’t immediately ask why she was in the hospital. But she does appear to genuinely feel terrible about what happened with Jennifer.

Rolf is a genius. He could have easily faked the removal of the chip or implanted a new one after he gave Kayla the old one, or perhaps he gave Kayla a duplicate chip.

My queen, my queen, my queen, my queen…

Every sentence Stevano says ends with, “my queen” and it’s tiresome. Last week in Deconstructing DOOL I complained about not enjoying Marlena submitting to Stevano. This week, I’m positively horrified by this story. Maybe it worked in the 80s. I don’t know, but it’s not working now. I felt bad for Marlena who meandered around like a zombie. I think she’s right. That does turn him on. And the poor thing wanted to see John but I’m not even sure she knows why anymore.

On a positive note: The cactus was a pretty cool gift. Creepy but cool. I could have done without him saying, “It’s a symbol of my patience and willingness to wait for you to flower before me.” Barf!

Those are a few thoughts on Days of our Lives this week. Feel free to join the discussion.

Best lines:
Orpheus, “It’s not his gender I object to. It’s his species. Kiriakis.”

Stefano, “I don’t want to deal with that beast, Sami Brady.”

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