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JJ passes by carolers and a Salvation Army volunteer in the square. He puts a large donation into the kettle, then flashes to Theo’s shooting before moving on.

In his suite, JJ places a newly purchased pad of paper and envelopes on the desk. After a moment, he starts writing a letter to Theo in which he expresses how sorry he is. JJ scribbles that out – he doesn’t want to make it about him. His phone rings.JJ-hug-Jack-Days-JJ JJ ignores the call from his mother, then starts a letter to her. He knows she wants him to be okay, but he can’t tell her that. JJ writes that she’s the best mother anyone could ask for, and he’s sorry she’s lost so much. He flashes to her calling to say his father died, and apologizes for making things more difficult because he was angry at himself for letting Jack down. He flashes to telling Jack (played by Matthew Ashford) he’d quit school, and his father being understanding – he did the same thing.Jennifer-cry-Jack-Days-JJ Jack gifted JJ with a pen his dad gave him when he finally graduated as a sign of his faith in him and paid his way back to school. JJ flashes to a memory of visiting with his parents, who cried over a Christmas movie. JJ writes that he screwed up every second chance he was given and asks her to keep the pen, and think of Jack when she uses it.

JJ-shirtless-disturbed-Days-JJAfter showering, JJ takes out old school razors to shave while his letter to Abigail runs through his mind. He wishes he could have looked out for her, the way she looked out for him. He reveals he already knew Chad had proposed to her when she shared the news. He flashes to Chad asking him for Abigail’s hand in marriage and warns him if he hurts her, he’ll answer to him. JJ then recalls a sad Abigail telling him sometimes you can’t fix what’s broken. He leaves her a guitar pick for Thomas and hopes someone will teach him to play guitar as he’d hoped to do.

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After shaving, JJ takes the bravery pin from his uniform and writes to Hope his recollection of her being there, along with Abe, when he got it. He recalls Roman expressing admiration for his bravery and advising him to keep his impulses in check to avoid trouble. JJ thinks back to times when Hope stood by him, and writes that he’s leaving her his pin – standing up for him cost Hope her career. He asks her to take care of his mom and Abigail.

JJ opens a Christmas card from Gabi and remembers them getting to know each other, and discussing Paige. He leaves her the songs Paige wrote for him so she can know her sister. JJ’s sorry it didn’t work out between them, but is glad they’re friends. He reflects that sometimes leaving the ones you love is best. JJ flashes to Jack, in 2011, speaking of his absences…he thought they were better off without him. JJ remembers talking with Jennifer about Theresa’s death and reflects on great mothers as he finishes Gabi’s letter.

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Abe-JJ-park-Days-JJHolding a photo of his family, JJ goes back in time to Jennifer holding the same photo as they grieved for Jack. JJ popped pills as Jennifer comforted Abigail. Still crying, JJ returns to the desk and pens a letter to Abe, wondering how he says he’s sorry for something unforgiveable. He recalls Abe urging him to apply to the police academy, then reflects on how angry Abe was to see him get his badge back. JJ thinks Abe was right, and is giving the badge back to him. JJ pulls his gun from the drawer.

Theo-JJ-flashback-Days-JJDressed now in his uniform, JJ writes to Lani about concert tickets he got her, and the plans he had for their future; he loves her. He hopes she’ll find someone who deserves her. JJ then starts a new letter to Theo, and flashes to a conversation they had when he was in an argument with Claire. JJ tells him he hopes he gets everything he wants, he deserves it. In the letter, JJ notes Theo now has nothing because of him. He sees now he can only pay for taking his life by taking his own. He’ll do it in the square, in the same spot he shot him, with the same gun. JJ laments he has nothing to give Theo…except his life.

On the next Days of our Lives:

Claire clashes with Ciara during the hanging of the Horton Christmas ornaments.

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Photo credit: Jill Johnson/JPI

– Candace Young