Couch comforts. (NBC Universal Inc.)

Salem Shenanigans from December 29 – January 2:

Hello, it’s Matt Purvis, formerly of “Matt’s Musings” over on Soap Opera Fan, filling in for Christine Fix while she’s on vacation. Don’t fear. Christine will be back next week.

Empty calories.
They were ringing in the New Year in Salem this week. Abby and Ben continued their ritual of working out and making out (in no particular order). This is appropriate since the dialog between them is the equivalent of empty calories. Meanwhile, John wanted Doc back by his side. She was perplexed that he decided to ask her out in person. He was surprised when she agreed. But they welcomed the changing of the calendar together with a kiss that was both familiar and a bit coy. I found it all a bit rushed. Considering how many ups, downs and disappointments they have had over the years, if they are going to go down this route again, it would be nice for them to take their time and do it right. But mostly it has been John being awkward and Marlena being eerily silent. Perhaps she’s listening intently to catch the sound of a can of whip cream opening?

Resolved to get more interesting.
Will learned that Sonny had raided their account. Sonny didn’t hesitate to point out that his husband hasn’t exactly been raking in the cash himself, in spite of all of his posh paisley shirts. But while the couple continued prying things out of each other, they weren’t exactly kissing and making up. Paul is complicating things thanks to his impressive ability to keep them both at his beck and call. Paul admitted to Sonny that he still loves him. Judging from the look in Sonny’s eyes, he was obviously tempted, but predictably turned him down. This led to Paul spending most of his time dragging Will into his hotel room to complain about how he will have to spend the rest of his life as a normal person thanks to his injury. It also led to Paul and Will sharing a close moment. Given that we didn’t get to see what Sonny’s latest New Year’s resolution was, can we guess it was for a threesome? Probably not, but that would at least be a first.

Off the force.
Thanks to an anonymous letter from Chad, Rafe was fired for sitting on the evidence regarding Andrew for the sake of his sister. While giving him the boot, Roman got the solemn look he only possesses in the rare moments he has to do something approaching law enforcement. Not to defend Rafe’s actions, but I have seen little evidence that the Salem PD does much more in their workaday world than cover up the crimes of their friends and family members, usually with far less competence.