Carefully rolling up the carpet. (Soaps.com)

Deconstructing “DOOL” for the week of April 30 – May 4 :

We’re taking it day by day again this week for a change of pace. Let’s dive right in.

Kate and Sami’s screaming match on Monday’s episode entitled Gobbledygook was anxiety provoking. These two have been going at it for years and neither has grown enough to walk away from the other or get new material. Both can run multi-million dollar companies but neither can come up with better insults other than ‘bitch’ or ‘slut’. Lucas actually thought he could have a drama-free day with Sami, and he believed her when she said she’d try not to do anything underhanded to MadWorld, thus making him the dumbest man in Salem. They’re unfortunately all varying degrees of stupid. Marlena surprised me with her self-defense moves as John and Roman looked on like big dopes while Stefano’s operative ran away… which proves that a Salem Police Officer’s gun is as useless as the Brady holding it. I’d rather take my chances outside the safe house. I was distracted by Agent Spencer’s attire (three piece suit?) and the horribly tacky décor that everyone kept complimenting.

Why have I not noticed before that Spencer’s accent sounds exactly like Tony Curtis’ accent from his ‘Junior’ disguise in the movie “Some Like It Hot?” Suddenly Spencer seems more interesting.

Tuesday’s episode titled, Boom marked the first half-hour at the safe house and already the inmates were getting restless. I guess the men believed the hype about how much jolly good fun a safe house can be. Bo complained that he hasn’t had time to spend alone with Hope – that’s code for sex – yet instead of complaining he could have had an afternoon delight in one of the bedrooms. John whined about his own self-imposed exile and the wives of these whiners tried in vain to get them to stop being so depressing. Rafe again attempted to tell Carrie the truth but that didn’t go over well with anyone. Marlena stuck her nose into the argument claiming that because Carrie raised her voice, somehow that meant that everyone and their brother could jump in and give their two cents about what a bad boy Rafe has been. I wish I could have ‘unwatched’ this portion of the episode because at the end, I was begging for Carrie to open the door and cheering on Harmon. Yikes.

Matt was more charitable and said, “This stupid plot could make anyone stir crazy.” He’s right.

Major blooper: Nobody goes into witness protection with their cell phones which could easily be tracked. This is perhaps the worst safe house story…and we just had two safe house stories a few years ago. Enough already!