Hello, Everyone. Hope you are all doing well today. Corbin posted this about two hours ago (12:30 EDT):
"Horrible night's sleep. Dreams. Winning lotteries and creating a nightmare because of it. Money getting divided, taxed, fought over. Gee - where could that possibly come from? Ha. I'm a bit all over the place.
The dust is settling and now I'm dealing with it all, staring at truths face to face. This is such an interesting part of the journey. Thank God for my creative "leanings" - inherited from my mother - because it loves this turmoil. The twists and turns of emotions, internal and external are enormous - and in fact equal to those several weeks of my mom's final weeks as shared with all of you.
A time of transition. I accept it. I actually look forward to it in some strange way, knowing I have to wrestle with it as it happens, or at least as mom would say "experience it." It all has value. I see the light at the other end, that's my faith, God's great mystery pulling me forward toward it, revealing truth after truth. Love. Bumps in the road are to be expected. What would any great story be without setbacks and unexpected diversions followed by enlightenment. Tension then Release. Hunger then Satiated, Cold then warmth, Despair then Love. That's how we come to appreciate. So I go with the flow.
I went to bed missing something last night and really hadn't thought about it until last night as the "dust begins to settle." For years, and I'm not sure where it began, but when I would give my mom a kiss goodnight or goodbye, she would always give a little peck on my right hand first, then on the cheek. But always that little peck on the hand first. Not sure when, where or why it began but it goes back years. Into the foggy days of my youth. Sometimes in later years I would give her a normal kiss goodbye and then we'd both realize that we forgot the "hand thing," and I'd run back to her for it. We'd chuckle over it. I think on several occasions I actually drove off and drove back! Probably a bit compulsive, but there it is, two strange actors with a common superstition. Could have been worse.
Well last night it occurred to me that that's never going to happen again. And I hadn't thought about it until last night, lying there in bed preparing for what was about to become this horrible sleep (Hey, maybe that's the cause of the bad sleep - solved - who needs a shrink!) Anyway, not only did I realize that that fond little moment won't happen again, I couldn't for the life of me, remember the last one. In the hospital, in those final days there was so much equipment dominating our space it wasn't possible. I know I gave her kisses goodbye, but don't think I got the hand peck in.
Maybe it's better that I don't solve the mystery and identify the final one but rather the sweet little superstition two crazy creative people shared. Mother and son. Yeah. Leave it alone."