I'm a Monster.Monday, July 21 2008
Sheridan has a confession for Luis, Kay and Miguel are married, Norma and Edna want to get married.
At the church, Tabitha frets about where Endora has gotten to now. Her daughter knows about the prophecy of disaster so where could she be? She hears what sounds like a car crash and sticks her head out the door to see what "fresh hell" could be coming. "Gadzooks! As long as I've lived, and I once rode a woolly mammoth, I have never seen such a ghastly sight!" she gasps. Norma and Edna soon stumble through the door for their nuptials. They heard about all the weddings and Edna decided it was time to make Norma an honest woman. "Can you make her a woman first?" Tabs jokes, reminding them that no priest will marry them. Norma is sure she can pass as a Norman; besides, the priest is blind. Edna has her heart set on getting married. "What's another disappointment in your tragic life?" Tabitha asks. Eddie starts to cry and bellow until Norma repeats her promise to give her the wedding of her dreams. Tabitha reminds them that a cataclysm is coming that will kill them all. They need to forget the rainbow wedding and run. Norma thought that their smell of sulfur and brimstone would protect them from the ravages of Hell. Tabitha tells them another smell they have will get in the way. "She means your leaky faucet," Norma says to Edna.
As Kay walks down the aisle on her father's arm, Miguel smiles, amazed that she keeps getting more beautiful. Gertrude and Pilar proudly watch. Ethan walks into the back of the church and stares at Gertrude. Kay continues down the aisle. Her father wishes her the best and she joins Miguel in front of Father Lonigan. As the ceremony commences, Sheridan enters, sitting at the back, breathing deep while Luis stares at her. Kay and Miguel read their own vows. He recounts how Kay always knew they were meant to be together and never gave up, despite all the times he messed up. He vows to always love her, in this life and the next. She says that she always knew he was the one and, even if they've loved other people, they were always meant to be. They're declared man and wife and kiss. Sheridan can't watch anymore and walks out. Luis follows.
Ethan sits behind Gertrude. He tells her that he always dreamed of marrying Theresa. "You and Theresa are so similar, I'd swear you were the same person," he comments. Pilar tries to change the subject. Theresa says he's missing a gardenia boutonniere. That's what Theresa would say, he smiles. As the ceremony ends, Pilar is pleased to see her son married. Ethan is sure that she wishes that Theresa and Antonio were still here as well. She says Theresa would give anything to be marrying him today. So would he. Sam calls him over. Pilar reminds her daughter that Juanita is still on the loose. "That's why I'm still Gertrude," she says. But soon, Ethan will be married to Gwen so it won't matter...
In the vestibule, Sam congratulates the couple and promises them that his video of the ceremony will be waiting for them when they get back. He hugs Miguel, asking him to call him "Dad". After he runs off, Norma and Edna run over and congratulate them. Norma tells Miguel she has some wedding night advice for him, "stud to stud". She flashes him some K-Y warming oil and starts to quote from their ads. As she and Eddie talk about lubricating, Miguel forces a smile but doesn't turn down the bottle of liquid inspiration. "I bet Kay will like it," he thinks to himself. The two couples catch up on their travels to other dimensions. Kay admits they didn't find a way to avoid the coming disaster. Norma tells them they may be eloping to Lesbos and advises Miguel never to skimp on the foreplay. Eddie agrees to give Kay any advice she needs on men before she finally switches teams. Tabitha wishes that she had been inside watching the wedding. Kay asks her why she wasn't since she's not a witch anymore. Norma and Edna are shocked. Tabs doesn't want to talk about it. Norma and Edna wish she would "come out of the broom closet". Tabitha tells her friends to get out quickly and starts shouting for Endora again.
"Poor dead Fox must be spinning in his grave now that Kay has finally married Miguel," Ivy says as she helps Fancy adjust her dress. Fancy suggests that he may actually be at peace with it. Ivy admits she can't hate Kay as much now that she knows who actually killed Fox. She tells her daughter how much Luis truly loves her; she could even walk down the aisle in a burlap sack and he'd love her. "I feel like the happiest woman alive," Fancy smiles. Her mother pinches her to make sure she isn't dreaming. She tells her that she deserves to be happy after everything. The tone changes when they talk about Pretty and her substantial mental problems. Ivy admits that she's done awful things for love but never thought her children would. "Fox did," Fancy reminds her. Ivy wonders if treachery is hereditary. Fancy says that she and Ethan have turned out alright. Ivy tells her about Julian's crazy great-grandmother and how Sheridan has often worried about her sanity. She breaks the news to her daughter that Sheridan knew about the poisoned sauce and was willing to let everyone die so that Luis couldn't marry someone else. Fancy is shocked. Ivy says she changed her mind, but it still seems like something is wrong with her. Fancy starts to panic about what Sheridan could be up to. Sam walks in with his camera. He tells them that Kay and Miguel are married and gone. Now it's Fancy's turn. Ivy repeats to her daughter that nothing will go wrong. Fancy breathes deep and Sam hands her a bouquet before ushering her out. He leaves his video camera behind.
Fancy and Ivy wait for Julian to come out and walk her down the aisle. Fancy is amazed that everything is normal for once. Sam wanders over and explains that Luis has gone missing. Fancy begins freaking out. Sam says he's checked everywhere but Luis is nowhere to be found. Fancy asks where Sheridan is and panics even more.
Theresa sits alone and imagines marrying Ethan. Moments later, Ethan sits down beside her as she cries. He tells her it's hard to see couples get married when you're alone. "Love can always fix a broke heart," he tells her, saying that any man would be lucky to have her. She says there is only one man for her and she's lost him forever. He says it's normal to feel that way but she can move on like he is. He walks away. Tears stream down her face. She's sure she has lost him for good.
Sheridan stumbles out into the courtyard. Luis follows her, telling her she shouldn't have come. She came to beg him not to marry Fancy: They belong together with Marty. "I can't live without you and your love!" she cries. He tells her that what they had once was special but that was then, this is now. He's sure she will find love when she least expects it. She reminds him of all their past lifetimes. He points out that something always came between them and it has again. She breaks into tears, blaming herself for driving him away. She wonders if she is going mad like Pretty. He tells her she's never done anything to deliberately hurt anyone. Sheridan confesses that she knew about the poison and said nothing. "You were going to let me die?" he asks in disbelief. She apologizes and he shakes his head. "I'm a monster," she says, wiping away a tear. He doesn't hate her for what she's done; she was just desperate and didn't know what else to do. He forgives her. She thanks him; his forgiving nature is one of the reasons she loves him so much. She feels cursed like the rest of her family. "If we can't be together in this lifetime, can you promise that we'll be together in our next life?" she asks. He can't promise something beyond his control. "I guess we'll have to keep trying until we get it right," she says. Sheridan asks for one last favor: A tango. With slight reluctance, he agrees and they dance. She spots some sharp garden sheers and asks him if he's heard the story of the couple who danced so passionately that they died at the end.
Next on Passions:
Gwen is in a rush to re-marry Ethan and run.
Norma gets her ax out. "You ain't goin' nowhere Tabby cat!" she tells Tabitha.
Fancy has a melt down when Luis can't be found.
Sheridan pushes Luis and he collapses on the sheers.
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