Don't call me a Serial Killer!

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

Juanita offers to buy Tabitha's house; Kay and Fancy convince Luis and Miguel to leave; Theresa refuses to listen to her mother; Vincent and Valerie make fiendish plans.

Don't call me a Serial Killer! image

Tabitha welcomes Juanita into her home. Juanita introduces herself as Amelia Hernandez, a widow, and starts complimenting the witch on her taste in decorating. She explains that she is planning on moving to Harmony and heard that Tabitha rents rooms. Tabs is surprised and asks her why she'd want to do something like that. Juanita asks her about running a boarding house and wonders who her tenants are. When Tabitha explains it's Kay and Miguel, Juanita recognizes the names and begins asking about Pilar and her family. Tabitha says they're nice and have exciting lives. She offers to tell her whatever she wants to know. Juanita grins. Tabitha says you could write a gossip magazine about them, the children anyway since Pilar is just a boring saint. Tabitha tells her how Luis, the "bedroom genius", has worked his way through the Crane women one by one. Then she talks about "obsessive-compulsive" Theresa. "If you cut into anyone in that family, sex, not blood, would drip out," Tabitha laughs. "I doubt it," Juanita says. Tabitha still doesn't understand why she wants to move in. There's nowhere Juanita would rather be. Tabby says she doesn't have room. Juanita pleads, though it sounds as if Tabitha doesn't want to live there either. She admits that she doesn't. Juanita offers to buy her house. The witch is perplexed, but Juanita says it's simple. Tabitha looks around at her home. "I've lived her for so long... four hundred years," she says, before covering by claiming it's just been a long time. Juanita suggests that she's in a bit of a rut and she should kick up her heels somewhere else. Tabitha wonders if it's about time that Endora meet some of her relatives... She agrees and shakes Juanita's hand. Juanita hugs her, telling her she won't regret it. "But Pilar and her family will," she thinks to herself. They discuss price but money is no object for Juanita... she does have one condition though: She wants to be introduced to all of the neighbors, starting with the Lopez-Fitzgeralds.


Theresa runs around the mansion obsessing over Ethan. Her mother wishes she'd snap out of this when there is a mad woman ready to kill them. Theresa repeats that she doesn't care if she dies if she can't have Ethan. She is going to stay just to make sure that Gwen and Ethan can't re-commit. Pilar explains that Fancy and Kay are convincing their men to leave right now. Theresa doesn't think it will happen. Pilar is increasingly frustrated. She explains that Juanita has already killed her friend Carmelita. Suddenly, Carmelita calls. She doesn't even know how she's still alive but she's leaving the country as soon as she hangs up and recommends that Pilar do the same. Pilar starts to apologize to her friend. Carmelita explains that Juanita found the photo of Luis. "Get out of Harmony! She wants your blood!" Carmelita warns. After she tearfully says goodbye and hangs up, Pilar blames herself for everything. "We're dead! We're all dead!" Pilar says to her daughter. Theresa starts talking about Ethan again, insisting that she is in no danger as long as Juanita thinks she is dead. Her mother thinks she's being foolish. Theresa refuses to listen, no matter how many times Pilar repeats her warnings.


In their room, Kay and Miguel roll around in bed. She stops before they can make love, reminding him that he isn't getting any unless he agrees to go on the trip around the world. "Whatever you want," he gives in. She gets on top of him and he suggests they get married before leaving. She jumps off and reminds him that he agreed to go on the trip. If he backs out, he'll be stuck in Harmony with no sex. There are lots of places in Europe they can get married, she points out. He suspects there's more to this and asks why she really wants to go on this trip. She explains the truth.


Luis and Fancy are in bed in her room. She agrees to make love to him as long as he agrees to go along for the trip. He agrees and they start kissing. "As soon as I find Vincent we'll go," he adds. She pushes him away and gets out of bed. He's annoyed. She accuses him of changing the rules in the middle of the game. "You're choosing your job over wild sex with me... I hope your badge keeps you warm at night, or maybe Vincent will. I know it worked for Chad," she quips. Besides, no one catches criminals in this town. She could be old and grey before that happens. Flashing him, she starts to tease him about going away alone, maybe to Italy to see the gorgeous men. Climbing back in bed, she tells him that she doesn't want to go alone. He suspects there is something she's not telling him. She explains the truth to him. He calls Miguel and they agree to get together to talk about what to do.


Kay and Miguel sneak into the mansion to meet with Luis and Fancy. "We all have to get out of town right now," Kay insists. The men exchange glances. The women remind them of their children and how Juanita killed Theresa the last time she fought them. Running is the only way to protect them all. Miguel and Luis don't like the idea of running. Kay reminds them that they should always follow Pilar's advice; otherwise they'll end up like Theresa. After bringing up all the sex they'll get if they agree, the men finally do agree to leave.


Vincent brings Viki home to Eve's house and eagerly unveils his project. He shows her the board he's made. It contains pictures of Harmony's residents. He asks Viki what all of these people have in common, "They're irritating," she shrugs. They're all ready to be killed, he explains. She works alone and mass killing isn't her thing, she insists. Besides, she kills to protect herself. She killed anyone who posed a threat to her staying with Esme. Vincent doesn't buy her excuse. When he brings up her long lost parents, she becomes defensive. He's checked into her past and he knows she killed her parents. She won't deny it. "Don't call me a serial killer," she says. He doesn't have a better word. Her parents were going to send her away so she had to get rid of them. She doesn't seem to think things through, he comments. Everyone's got a talent; the two of them just happen to be good at killing. She admits that it can be fun. They begin talking excitedly about slaughtering everyone and he starts offering her reasons to kill each of them. "Even with the two of us together, there is still a lot of work to be done," he says. It would be more efficient to do them all at once... and he knows just the opportunity: The big wedding. They both grin. "A town of sitting ducks just waiting for duck hunting season to begin," he smiles. When he pulls out his plans to study, she gets bored. It's starting to sound like homework. "It's the planning and anticipation that's the fun part," he reminds her. Killing is empty, planning is fun. She agrees. "It's like I found my twin," he says. They giddily go over their plans for a day Harmony will never forget, "If there is anyone left to remember!"


Next on Passions:

Little Ethan tells his mother to sit back and watch. "You won't be disappointed," he promises.

Luis and Miguel make Pilar happy by agreeing to go on the trip.

Tabitha tells Kay that if they want to survive they all have to leave.

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