Men Don't Have Babies!

Tuesday, May 6th, 2008

Vincent's water breaks, Pretty witnesses her plan go into effect, Fancy and Luis join the mile high club and Theresa's back at square one.

Men Don't Have Babies! image

Still in the hospital, Julian has a nightmare about Eve slashing his member with a scalpel and another one where she tells him Little Julian is shrinking. Julian wakes up and rehashes his predicament. He asks, “How could you do this to me Eve?” Julian can’t sleep and gets up to pace. He thinks he’ll sue Eve for everything she has and tries to use the bathroom. He screams and comes out of the bathroom with a very wet nightgown because, "I can't even go to the bathroom like a man anymore!” He plans to get cleaned up and find Eve.


Eve drinks at her kitchen table and Vincent, in a robe and nightgown, videotapes her as part of his pregnancy blog. Eve demands Vincent turn off the camera and he asks why she’s drinking again. She tells him it’s because of what she did to Julian and Vincent tells her Julian got what he deserved. He calls it karmic justice and thinks Eve agrees with him on some level. Eve denies it, but Vincent pours her another drink and accuses her of making sure Julian will never cheat on her with anyone else ever again. Eve blames Vincent for tricking her into reattaching Julian’s penis the wrong way and making it smaller while she was drunk. Vincent laughs and makes jokes about Julian’s penis size and then Eve notices that his water broke. She tells a shocked Vincent that he’s having his baby. Vincent doesn’t think it’s possible because he doesn’t feel anything and Eve says maybe the contractions haven’t started yet. Vincent is thrilled his little bundle of joy is coming and that he and daddy get to finally be parents. Eve wants another drink, but Vincent tells her she has a baby to deliver. Eve tells him he can’t have the baby here, but Vincent says he can’t go to the hospital because he’s supposed to be dead. He yells at Eve to do what she has to in order to help him deliver his baby.


Eve gets some blankets and supplies and comes back to see Vincent on the kitchen table in his Valerie wig. Vincent gets out his camera to record the birth of his baby and then gets a contraction. He demands a spinal, but a delighted Eve tells him his insides are too complicated so he’ll have to deliver naturally. As Vincent screams in pain, Julian enters and assumes it’s Valerie on the table because he only sees the back of Vincent’s head. Vincent's contractions get closer together and Eve keeps referring to “Valerie” as a he. Julian tries to correct her, assuming she’s just drunk, but Eve insists she knows exactly what she’s saying. Julian tells her that men don’t have babies and says Valerie is a woman and he won’t let Eve harm another person while under the influence. He tries to get “Valerie” off the table so he can take her to the hospital and Vincent yells out “No!” Julian is stunned by the deep voice and walks around to see Vincent’s face. Vincent pulls off his wig and says it’s him in the flesh. Julian is stunned and Eve hands him a drink. He bypasses the glass and drinks straight from the bottle.

On the Crane jet, Fancy asks the pilot where he’s taking them, but Luis tells her it’s a surprise and there’s more to come. The pilot says it’s a great night for flying, takes a sip of his coffee and heads to the cockpit.

In the flight control room, Pretty wonders where Luis and Fancy are going and says, “Too bad they’ll never make it to their destination.” She then flashes back to drugging the pilot’s coffee, which will make him pass out cold by the time they reach their altitude. Pretty gets excited anticipating the crash and says it’s all Fancy’s fault for not stepping aside and letting Luis have feelings for her. Pretty is asked to leave the control room, but she says, “Don’t you know who I am?”


Luis and Fancy make out on the jet and then have sex. The pilot cruises to their altitude and overhears Fancy and Luis going at it. He smiles and wishes he had a love like that. As Fancy and Luis continue their romp, the pilot starts to feel sleepy and drinks more coffee to wake himself up. The pilot panics that he’s starting to fall asleep and calls control to make an emergency landing. Pretty overhears the call and is thrilled that this is it! The man in the control room says he’ll help get the plane down safely, but the pilot is having a difficult time keeping his eyes open. The controller tells him there’s an airstrip nearby and Pretty gets upset that her plan isn’t working. She thinks the plane has to crash and grabs a plaque hanging on the wall and knocks the controller out with it. The pilot asks for more direction because he can’t see anything and Pretty smiles as the pilot begs for help.


Luis and Fancy bask in the afterglow and Luis wonders if they hit some turbulence. Fancy doesn’t think so and says she wants the night to go on forever. Luis hopes it’s one small part in an amazing trip. Fancy again asks him where they are going, but Luis won’t let her ruin the surprise. Fancy says she can’t wait to be married to him and he kisses her. The pilot continues to try and fight off sleep and calls for help. As Pretty ignores his pleas, the pilot passes out. Fancy and Luis toast and profess their love.


Still in the bathroom, Theresa thinks she doesn’t need to hide anymore because Juanita has been captured. Gwen and Ethan knock on the door and Theresa giddily prepares to reveal herself. Before Theresa can come out, Ethan receives a text message and learns that Juanita has escaped from jail. With Gwen and Ethan’s backs to her, Theresa opens the door and hears the news. Ethan is outraged, but Gwen doesn’t think it has anything to do with them. Ethan angrily says it does because Juanita was responsible for Theresa’s death. He vows to bring her to justice, but Gwen thinks the police should handle it and wants to find out who is in the bathroom. Theresa shuts and locks the door and thinks, “I knew this was too good to be true,” as Gwen pounds on the door. Theresa panics in the bathroom that she can’t be seen now with Juanita on the loose. Theresa looks for a way out, as Gwen and Ethan grow frustrated over her not opening the bathroom door. Gwen thinks to herself that six months ago she would have thought Theresa was behind this stunt and then thinks, “Thank God for sharks.” Theresa tries to open the window as Gwen yells out that she will break the door down. When Ethan can’t break the door open with his physical strength, Gwen gets an axe and starts swinging. Gwen chops a hole through the door and Ethan reaches in to unlock it. They enter the bathroom and stunned, Gwen says, “It’s you!”


Next on Passions:

Juanita says, “I want the entire Lopez family wiped out!”

Luis and Fancy try to wake up the pilot.

Julian thinks it’s impossible that Vincent is also Valerie.

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