Dear Mr. Wolf,
I am writing this letter to inform you that General Hospital blows. I defended you a month ago because I thought you needed more time to get your material together. I was wrong.
First, I'd like to write about the "Lulu the drunk" s/l. In the name of all that is holy, stop trying to connect Lucky and Lulu to their parents. My mom likes apples. That doesn't mean I automatically like apples. Let these friggin characters develop their own characteristics and story lines. If you can't think of anything, get them out of the show.
GH fans can’t deal with another addiction storyline. We just can’t. Plus Lucky analogizes everything to addiction, including his ex-wife. We went through it with Luke during the summer. We went through it with Mike in the early part of the decade, along with Lucky’s pill addiction. No…more…PLEASE…
Secondly, I’d like to formally request that the New Kate be excised from the show. Old Kate was interesting and made Sonny’s character develop. New Kate is insecure and weird. She is 20 years younger. She has forgiven Sonny for dumping her and now goes out of her way to help him. She seems more upset about being shot than being dumped, though originally it was the other way around. Stop it. Get her out, and let Sonny deal with HIS WIFE. HE’S STILL MARRIED TO BRENDA. Let him deal with the divorce. Let him be single for five minutes.
Thirdly, I’d like to ask why Josselyn looks like she’s 12 years old. That’s one big two year old.
Next, may I ask why Carly is now so hostile towards Jason and Sam’s relationship when in the middle part of the last decade she was their biggest supporter? How about having her character develop a little, and let her be supportive? That’s called changing the paradigm. It prevents the show from being stale, repetitive and utterly unwatchable.
This next point might annoy some other fans, but I’ll just say it. Decide if you want Steve Webber on the show. Decide right now. Stop reading this and decide. If the answer is yes, then give him a storyline. The Mystery of His Past, banging Olivia, whatever you want it to be. If the answer is no, get him off the show. Don’t do the “one scene a month” thing. It makes those scenes boring since I know the character is as relevant as that pool table in Jason’s apartment.
Make Jonathan Jackson get a haircut and shave. He’s not Johnny Depp. He’s Jonathan Jackson.
The following thoughts, if they cross your mind, need never to be adopted as GH storylines because you’ve done it a million times:
1) Sonny finds a new love in an old flame (Kate) only to find out she’s keeping a secret that requires him to forgive, though Sonny finds this difficult because of his past.
2) Sonny has a child.
3) Jason struggles to deal with being a mob enforcer and wanting a family.
4) Michael wants to be in the business but his three parents don’t want him to be in the mafia. JUST DECIDE IF THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN. YOU’VE BEEN DOING THIS STORYLINE SINCE 2005 WHEN THE KID SHOT KATE. JUST. DECIDE.
5) Anything that has to do with Lucky and Lulu being like their parents in any way.
6) Luke is a bad father. It contradicts the 1990s (when people watched the show) and even if it’s been true this decade, nobody wants to hear Lucky whine about Luke’s parenting again. He’s like 36 years old and has 2 living sons. Get over it.
7) Lisa. Anything with Lisa.
8) Carly and Sonny. Don’t even hint that they will ever get together, ever. Ever.
9) Carly taking any of her kids from any of their fathers and anointing some other dude their father. You did it with Morgan 9 times, Michael 3 times, and I feel like Josselyn is next. Stop. Jax is the kid’s dad. He’s not there? Too bad. ABC should pay him. He was a good character.
10) Sonny: can’t/doesn’t want to/won’t control the business and so gives it to Jason. NO NO NO.
11) Someone gets pregnant and there’s a paternity test.
12) A child has cancer or is dying. You’d think Port Charles was a warzone in a developing country.
If you can’t avoid these stories then tell ABC and resign.