I Want To Do It.

Friday, September 4th, 2009

Olivia changes her mind, Alan makes up his mind and Doris has a confession for Ashlee.

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Olivia tells her daughter that the cookies she made will make her dad feel better, but they won't stop him from being sick. Nat calls and talks about the cookies and the sonogrom.

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Emma and her mother bring the cookies to the mansion. While Emma gets milk from the cook, Olivia tells Phillip not to give their daughter any false hope. "This is so unfair," she says. Emma gives them cookies and goes upstairs. Phillip says he's going to stay in the house and die. They joke about how she danced at his funeral but now she's sad to have him die.

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Ed explains to Alan that he's an 87 percent match for Phillip. He could save Phillip's life, possibly, but there is every chance the operation could kill him. Ed's sales pitch isn't very good. He tells Alan that he shouldn't do it, but he knows that his position as a father is impossible. "You're really screwed," Ed tells him.

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Alan walks down to the water. He spills out the medical paperwork. As he pulls it from the water, Rafe approaches him and tells him about enlisting. Alan promises to look after his mother for him and asks him to talk to him again before he leaves. "I think your father would be very proud of you," he says, hugging him.

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Ashlee brings the galleys for Coop's book to Buzz in Company. He's proud of her for doing this. She did it for Coop. Doris comes in and Ashlee excitedly runs off. Buzz tells Doris what a great daughter she has. Doris can't take much credit for her and feels like she never gave her enough. Buzz tells her she can fix that.

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Blake meets Ashlee and hands her a check for her editor's fee. Ashlee's thrilled. Doris calls and asks to meet her daughter for lunch.

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Olivia goes to Company and chats with Buzz. They talk about Frank and what a good father he is. Buzz is glad he'll have another shot at it.

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Blake runs into Nat at the minimart. They talk about her upcoming sonogram and whether Frank prefers a boy or girl. Nat would love a little girl. Blake asks her not to push Frank out.

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Doris and Ashlee meet for lunch at the baseball diamond. Doris babbles nervously and talks about opening up. Ashlee isn't really following. They remember the day Doris told her about sex. Doris explains that she wanted to tell her something else that day. "I'm a lesbian," she says. Ashlee nearly hyperventilates. Doris explains what a lesbian is but her daughter already knows. Doris says she's always known but she tried to hide it and be like other people until she decided to live by her own rules. After she was fertilized, everything changed for her. As Ashlee grew up and asked questions, she could never come clean to her. She's sorry that she has never shared herself with her daughter. Ashlee doesn't know why she never trusted her. "You were cruel to me!" she cries. She's not ashamed, but she's angry that her mother could never love her enough to be honest with her.

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Nat runs into Phillip at Cedars. She tries to give him some pity. He's sarcastic. She tries to run away. He stops her and tells her not to let Olivia push her away; she'll need her. "I won't. I know what I want," Nat says. She walks across the room. Frank arrives and waits with her for the sonogram. They talk about Phillip dying and how she wants her baby to have all the family it can have.

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Alan goes to see Buzz. He tells him about Phillip and the small chance he could be saved. They talk about Vietnam and Alan admits that he didn't go because he was afraid. He tells him the story about his father getting him a replacement who died. He's been tormented by guilt ever since. Alan's always admired Buzz for serving and being a man of honor. Buzz laughs and tells him he went because he was running away from his family. "I am not a man of honor. I'm lucky, that's all," he says. Alan explains that he's a match for Phillip but he's afraid of dying. "You're going to do it because you can't not do it," Buzz says.

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Alan goes to see Ed and asks him to explain the entire procedure to him. "I don't care about me. I just want to hear about how this will save my son," he says. Ed explains everything and repeats that this would be the first time this procedure was performed. "For my boy, I want to do it," Alan says. Ed says they still have to deal with Phillip. Alan tells him he'll take care of him.

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Phillip finds Olivia crying in the park. She doesn't want to talk about it. He reminds her that it's too late for them to keep secrets. She admits that she's just feeling sorry for herself. He tells her that he's gotten used to dying. She talks about how everyone is leaving and dying. Phillip says the ones who are left will give her happiness. He doesn't think she should lose Natalia by pushing her away.

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Doris goes to Company in tears and tells Buzz that she told her daughter the truth and Ashlee walked away. She does a shot.

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Olivia arrives at Cedars for the sonogram. Frank gives the woman a moment. Olivia tells Nat that she couldn't waste any more time.

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Rafe runs into Ashlee outside. He can see she's upset. She explains what happened with her mother. He laughs, but she's serious. Doris has been keeping the secret from her for her whole life. She thinks her mother has been angry at her all along but it's just because she didn't like herself. "She trusted you enough to tell you this," he points out.

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Phillip runs into his father in the parking lot. Alan tells him he is his match and they need to start the procedure as soon as possible. Phillip refuses.

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Next on Guiding Light:

Mallet runs into someone familiar.

Vanessa and Billy get married.

Jonathan has something to tell Reva.

The Spauldings wait for the results of the operation.

Nat and Olivia have something to tell Emma.

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