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Poor Mags. (NBC Universal Inc.)

"One from three is two." (NBC Universal Inc.)

Deconstructing "DOOL" from February 3 - 7:

There was a little drug and alcohol pushing going on in Salem this week which gave it an 80s vibe. EJ’s drinking more these days though not as much as Brady, who is savouring every drop of alcohol as though it’s the last one in the world. While the priest attempted to get his life in order, some of his parishioners attempted to get it on in the shower. Nicole went all James Cagney on Dr. Chyka, only instead of calling Chyka a dirty yellow-bellied rat she called him "fat face." Yep. Fat. Face. Hilarious. On with the blog.

Resident booze-hound.
Maggie made me tear up when she said goodbye to Brady before he left the mansion for seclusion at Daniel’s pad. She looked so helpless and sad. She’s been his AA sponsor for decades or something. He seemed to start to gain a bit of control this week against his addiction but heard from John and ran home to guzzle a few ounces. This is probably why Maggie suggested rehab. Abe should have told John to deliver his own mail. Brady's scenes with Theresa were actually funny and we saw a little chemistry, too. Then he got blitzed and quoted the bible. Yep.

EJ’s drinking more these days and looking sad, lonely, and a little petulant. Some fans have a theory that EJ is an impostor because he’s cheating on Samanther. You know, because he’s always had such a good moral compass. Some didn’t see this coming which is surprising considering EJ and Abby have been bumping into each other all over town to discuss Jack, the necklace he gave his daughter, and blah blah blah. There’s only one reason the writers wrote those scenes. Sami and EJ have never been in an actual relationship so this is all new to them but if we recall, EJ cheated on Nicole with her sister Taylor and EJ cheated on Nicole with Sami during their grief sex. And with the way Sami was behaving at the gym talking about what Sami wants Sami gets, I was ready for EJ to get back in the shower with Abigail. Yep. It’s not shocking that Sami can’t tell when her man’s stepping out right in front of her face. She lived with RoboRafe for months and didn’t notice much was amiss. She’s often in Sami-land which is why she overlooked Abigail’s shoes and bra which were in plain sight. One wonders what Freud would have to say about that.

Though I don’t believe in Karma, I’m surprised more soap fans haven’t thrown that out to describe what’s happening to her. It doesn't really matter because it doesn't look like EJ's falling for Abigail. She's a dalliance. As for Abigail, she hasn’t even mentioned Sami and EJ’s children together which is unusual since she’s so good with the kiddies of Salem. If EJ and Sami’s kids' feelings don’t put a damper on things for our little home wrecker, who knows what will. Nearing the end of the week we saw the stress the affair is having on her – or did we? Either Abby’s more concerned about losing a cheque than screwing Sami’s man or she’s projecting. I'm seeing Abby as a little girl in way over her head.

This scene gets my vote for most realistic: Matt (of the former SOF Matt’s Musings) asked, "Did EJ just run the cold water to get rid of his erection?" Yep!

It was difficult to decide whether to snicker or be worried when Abigail said this to EJ, "When Sami walked in we were making love, and I think that that actually has a lot to do with you and Sami." Making love? A true babe in the woods. Vote on what Abby should do regarding EJ in this week's Days of our Lives poll.

Gossip girl:
Abigail surprised me by telling Adrienne to stop gossiping about seeing her with EJ to her mother. I’m torn between thinking she just gave Adrienne reason to take a closer look at her and EJ and wanting to give Abby kudos for defending herself. If Adrienne has concerns she can take them directly to Abby or shut the hell up. As it is, Jennifer’s got her hooks into her children’s lives way too much without Adrienne's help. We all know Jennifer has good reason to mistrust JJ and since he lives under her roof he must abide by the warden's rules but getting all up in his grill when he "disappears" for a few hours is a little over-the-top.

Jenn can really be barking mad at times. She actually complained about Theresa not showing up for work. Yep.

Daniel and Nicole were a bumbling embarrassing mess which made it easy to laugh at Dr. Chyka poking fun at these two. If Daniel was going to kill Chyka he sure wouldn’t have swabbed his skin with alcohol before injecting him yet Chyka didn't notice. They duo pulled it together by the end of the week and even had the proverbial fat lady singing when RicarBo foiled the day. Big cliffhanger. Was Daniel shot?

When Daniel prepared the syringe for Dr. Chyka, Matt asked, "Are they going to have a threeway with Chyka and tape it?"

Ciara’s folly.
We're still no closer to hearing exactly what was said between the little bully and Chase. Doesn’t anyone else aside from me want to know the story? Why didn’t the parents get to the bottom of it instead of just having the kids apologize? I realize the story is more about Hope and Aiden but it’s stagnating.

I don’t get how Theresa could have gotten generic gift cards from that little store which we can only assume is at University Hospital. Why would they even have gift certificates? Even if they did it’s unlikely they’d be generic. At any rate, if the whiny little wench wants more money why the hell doesn’t she go back to school instead of whining about how little she’s paid?

What a goofy guy. He was so funny and so blatant at the store I was surprised Theresa didn’t wonder what the hell was going on. Kurt’s the perfect brother for Rory but he could have also been a perfect recast for Chad DiMera.

Kate et al.
Lucas and Sheryl were cute this week but their friendship is already based on lies which makes it difficult to invest from the get-go. Jordan and Rafe were dull as usual. I don't know if it's all of the sports talk that turns me off or if it's just Jordan's boring character that I can't stand. Does anyone in Salem like culture? Perhaps an interesting art show? Museums? Watching the beer guzzling Salemites hang out in bars is about as exciting as watching paint dry. Thankfully this was a mere blip in what was a decent week. With Kate finding Jordan's stash of ID cards, our fingers are crossed that she'll get to the bottom of Jordan's secret. Fast.

This feels like Nicole vs the church.
I hope Eric makes his decision soon about his future because since his time in the retreat with Father Timothy, my eyes have been glazing over. Who can relate? Though I respect that Eric’s going through an obviously very profound and life-altering decision, the whole thing is lost on me. Why did he go to Father Timothy of all people after he already spoke at length about his feelings to Father Matt? Is the monk a psychologist? Does it always appear to you as if they’re speaking as though they’re in another time? I keep waiting for them to lapse into Latin. Eric’s issues are something that ‘us normal folk’ will never comprehend but like any path in life there are a few options. Here are his:

A) Be a priest.
B) Don’t be a priest.
C) Serve God in some other manner.

There are tonnes of ways to serve God that don’t require being a priest. He needs to make a decision because this story is getting old. The only reason he hasn't is because the show is torturing him a little longer while they get Chyka to spill and clear his name. Once Eric's name is clear who bets that Eric still won't know what to do! I think I have a better understanding of Daniel's dialogue last week: Dan says, "What do they say? When God closes one door, Nicole Walker finds a way to bust it down?" Nicole may talk a good game about clearing Eric's name for selfless reasons but she's still Nicole and if that dialogue is any indicator of what's to come, she's going to hold on to the priest like she does with any man.

Best lines of the week:

Theresa, "Can you two stop playing high school long enough to tell me what's going on here?"

Rory, "Dude, Robert Pattinson can hear your footsteps coming. Next 'Twilight' movie is totally yours, man."

Sami, "He's willing to go hammer-and-tong when it's mano-a-mano, but, you know, when it's a woman...Unbelievable. I guess some guys just don't like sticking it to a woman. You know?"

Chyka, "I'm beginning to remember something now. I'm remembering what you looked like underneath that towel. Your body is definitely something to see."

Chyka, "Oh, good cop, bad cop. How original. And how utterly useless."

Nicole, "Yes, you do, fat face."

Dr. Chyka, "One down two to go. One from three is two." Ricardo and Nicole to Chyka, "Shut up!"

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- Christine Fix