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Here comes the... (NBC Universal Inc.)

Dazed and confused. (NBC Universal Inc.)

Deconstructing "DOOL" from November 4 – 8:

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the "Days of our Lives." Happy 48th Anniversary Days!

This week was the lead up to the non-wedding. One man-sized moron (so mean!), Dominatrix Barbie and said moron’s ‘bride of the 90s’ stood by in horror as the sex tape finally aired for half of Salem to see. It was a long wait but worth it. Well. To us. Half of Salem won’t be thanking Victor or Marlena anytime soon for the lack of sleep that’s sure to follow when the images of the man of the cloth, boffing Brady’s intended invade their heads. What a week!

Move on, Kate.
Kate spent the week baking a nice double batch of her special brownies for her new friend Jordan to sample instead of revealing to Rafe that she’s still in love with him, getting the ‘we’re just friends’ speech and then moving on. Rafe has moved on as was made clear in that scene with Hope, and it’s official; Rafe really is as dumb as a stump about women. He told Hope he thinks the reason Kate hangs around all the time is because she feels guilty. Hope even alluded to Kate having feelings for him and he either chose to ignore her or didn’t catch on. Oh boy! He’s in it deep. Even his White Knight Complex has kicked in and though he doesn’t know it, I bet Jordan does need protection. We finally saw a spark of chemistry between Jafe when they argued over cookies in the park. After almost three lengthy months we saw the human side of Jordan. Maybe we can even start rooting for them. Matt says, "Who knew that it would take cookies to make Jordan seem like more than an android with a decent wig and a pair of Dollarama glasses? Did JJ bake some Ecstasy into them or something? Radan's darting glances and desire to chew on a chocolate chip cookie was a sexual metaphor that was about as subtle as that weeklong episode of Carrie fanning her glistening cleavage until his eyebrows crawled across the room to sop up the sweat."

It was great seeing Lucas catch on to Kate’s scam but she’s so far gone she won't listen to anyone tell her to move on.

Beating the dead horse again, and again, and again, and again.
Jenn has every right to feel hurt over what she thinks Daniel did but it was difficult to hear her whine to Daniel about shutting her out when she demanded that he, her ex-boyfriend with whom she dumped, explain his reason for moving on with Theresa. Even though it hurt poor saintly Daniel to tell her off, it was so wonderfully validating to hear him say, "Now you know what it feels like." It’d have been too easy to simply tell her Theresa called him while a drugged out mess and asked for a shoulder to lean on.

Moving Nicole into his apartment is going to probably land Daniel in a little more hot water with Jennifer. Let's see. Two jilted people feeling lonely. There's a recipe for naughtiness.

Father Eric and Nicole used the same scripts three or four times this month to rant at each other about his accusations and her desire to clear her ‘good’ name and I found myself wanting to knock their heads together repeatedly until they both canned it! Matt (of the defunct Matt’s Musings) says he wrote to the show and they informed him that some of their writers were eaten by zombies so past scripts had to be recycled. That’s Hallowe’en for ya.

Oh the hypocrisy!
Really? Sami was rocked to her core that Gabi had sex with Nick, "After everything that he has done to her?" Hilarious! Sami’s got to be the biggest hypocrite in all of Salem next to EJ, who was "horrified" that his sister drugged a priest and had sex with him. Really? Disgusted? Oh please! He’s only disgusted because Sami (too obvious with the foreshadowing) sees Eric as a hero. If it was anyone else he’d be elbowing Kristen and snickering at the sheer brilliance of it all. It wasn’t a surprise that he chose family loyalty over Sami though. That was fitting. He is a DiMera and should be written as such.

The main event.
Our brains almost exploded with aggravation this week waiting for somebody - anybody, to open that confounded video file. At least it didn’t take as long as it took Hope to open that infernal envelope last year. Once it was decrypted, Victor enjoyed watching the sex video until he saw Eric’s face but instead of showing Brady the DVD in private, he cruelly had Marlena of all people set up the DVD switch. This means Marlena’s may take the rap for the sex tape being shown at the wedding! How juicy. And mean. I was hating on our victim, Brady. I couldn’t help myself. He was a poor excuse for a friend, he already ditched his best man Daniel without his knowledge and then went one step further and promised his whack job of a fiancée that he’d uninvite Daniel from the fiasco...I mean wedding, altogether. Brady’s daft. He needs his friends close especially now. Oddly, and without explanation, Jennifer decided to attend. One highlight was Marlena accidentally tearing down the walls to that little room. Classic. I loved how fast both Maggie and Sami turned to their spouses, wondering if each had anything to do with Kristen's schemes. Oh boy things are going to be rough in Salem for a while.

Obviously Dr. Shyster... I mean Dr. Chyka is no Dr. Rolf. He’d better be on a plane destined for some remote country where he can have full facial reconstruction before Kristen gets to him.

Wonder what Kristen’s password was? Let’s play ‘guess the password’...

I tried to keep them as tasteful as possible considering. Thanks to Amy for #3 and Matt for #14. Matt had a slew of naughty ones we decided were better off left unsaid!

Best Lines:

Maxine tells Kate Jordan grows on you. "So does flesh eating bacteria," Kate snipes.

Kristen asks EJ, "Samantha's family loyalty is about as changeable as her nail polish. What about yours?"

Victor to Brady, "Maybe you'll give out false teeth as wedding souvenirs. Better yet, you should pass out antacids."

Victor to Marlena, "You want a more graphic description? It's Kristen, sweating up the sheets with another man."

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- Christine Fix